At a Lost

Okay guys, I am in a depressed mood tonight, and I have no idea why? Well I do sort of have an idea why, but I thought I was over this and that I could just sort of forget about it. But no, it just has to come back in the most pain in the ass moments... Especially when all I want to do is be happy and stress free... Guess life just wants me to suffer or something... Cause I'm not a happy camper at the moment.

I have no idea why, but I keep thinking about H, and no matter how much I try to convince myself that I got over him, I don't think I have... sometimes I hate myself for being so attached to people. I wish I could just forget about him and move on. And it's simple right? It's summer, out of sight, out of mind... Well not really. I haven't seen him for 3 weeks now, and he is still not out of mind... To be honest, don't think he'll ever be out of mind. He was like a best friend to me. He was somewhat like a replacement for U, and I really liked him...  And now not seeing him, has in a way made it easier to forget him, but when I miss him, I just miss him so much harder. And I know this is kind of strange, but I kind of do want to break contact with him. Maybe not talking to him at all would make it so much easier for me. Like not having to worry about anything and just start fresh, meet new people in university and get to know people at work. But I know once school starts that he'll be in some of my classes cause we're in the same program and there is only one section for some of our classes, or simply because I'll miss having him around... But I have a feeling we won't be friends anymore anyways, cause I've sort of given up talking to him the past few days, and he doesn't seem to be making an effort to keep in touch, so maybe this is meant to be? I'll meet new people at work and at school, and maybe hopefully, I'll find someone else to crush on, because frankly, this crush is crushing me pretty hard...

-J