Midterms and Reading Week Plans

Hey Guys!

So Midterms are around the corner, and I won't lie, I am way behind in all my work :( I told myself I wasn't going to slack off this semester (a lie I've been telling myself since my third semester in CEGEP). I tried at the beginning of the semester, I honestly did, but then my birthday weekend kind of put a kink in things and I've been slacking ever since. I'm trying to catch up, and it's hard. Don't ever slack off in University guys, you just end up being shoved under more and more things and once you think you've caught up in one class, all your other classes drown you. There is no winning, STAY ON TRACK! That is the best advice I can give you at this point.

My midterms are in about 2 weeks, and I have 4 within 10 days... I will be dead after midterms. But thankfully I'm going to New York right after! Yes, I know I've been about half a year ago (not even actually), but one of my school associations is organizing the trip and I just couldn't resist. I'll be there for 3 days and the last day is devoted to Woodbury Premium Outlets. I'm excited for the trip because it will be a good stress relief from midterms and school in general. This is going to be an independent trip, so we get to go wherever we want and there is continuous bus shuttle until 11PM, so we can stay out late in NYC and see the night life (not that we could drink cause we're under age). We're still in the process of planning out where to go and what to do right now.

And back to school talk. I'm super behind in all of my classes right now and I'm panicking for midterms cause I didn't do so well last semester and I would really like to bring my GPA up. So I have to get my ass into gear and get cracking. So why am I blogging instead of studying? Well I had to let my nails dry and I figured why not update you guys? So here I am, procrastinating :P But I will get up to date, hopefully by next weekend cause I would like to have time to study the things I'm learning now too :P I will try my best.

My goal is to go to the library after school and study until about five everyday. Obviously that might not work out everyday, but I've been doing it for the past few days and hopefully it's a habit that I can get used to and take advantage of. The only thing is that staying on campus after school tempts me to buy food (coffee, snacks, etc) so that is going to be an issue cause I want to cut down my spending, especially since I know I'll be spending money in NYC that I hadn't planned on spending a few weeks ago. I seriously need a job, but then that will cut into my studying time. Well I say that, but then the past two fall semester I've been working and going to school and that always turned out pretty okay. Like I would be able to keep on top of a lot of my work, even though I would still be behind, and I would be wasting less time at home doing nothing... Maybe I  should start looking for a job during reading week, cause then midterms would have been over and I will have time to complete training before finals hit. and hopefully I'll be able to slip a bit of volunteering in there as well. I think I'll make that a plan :)

Anyways I have to go and hit the books :) See you guys after midterms (if I'm still alive)
-J

Rainy Feelings for a Rainy Day

You know those rainy days when you don't want to do anything, you just want to lie around and sleep all day and worry about tomorrow... well tomorrow? And then you find yourself waking up the next day regretting not doing anything the previous day? Well yes, today is one of those days.

I have two more midterms to go through and they are the trickier ones, but I'm just not motivated to study, but I know I have to since I work tomorrow, and I'll be tired on Sunday. But I really just can't bring myself to sit down and study. I feel restless, but tired, hungry all the time, and then I regret eating all the things that I ate. I keep trying to find distractions, but even the distractions start to annoy me. And then I just end up doing nothing, and then getting mad at myself for doing nothing. It's just super complicated in my head right now, it's like I want to do something, but I don't at the same time. And I know I said it was out of the funk, but maybe I'm not cleared yet.

It may also have to do with the fact that it is midterm season, and the marks I have been getting back aren't as good as I expected. Although they are still very good marks, I wanted them to be better, I kind of expected myself to work on school a lot harder than I have been. I only have myself to blame though, cause I could always focus more or work harder. I just can't bring myself to focus on school.

And sometimes I want to just sot down with someone and talk about this, but honestly, everyone's busy with their own stuff, and they're stressing out too. I'm not the only one worried about marks and a personal life and school and work. A lot of other people are too. I just have to find a good stress reliever mechanism... that doesn't involve any illegal things :P

So ya, there's school, there's work... I'm excited to work, but I'm also getting really tired of it. The hours are long, the shifts are a little too strenuous. We are underpaid... but I keep telling myself that I only have two more weeks, then I'm done for the season, and next season is well next season. I'll worry about that when it comes... but I still find myself thinking about next season, and I keep trying to make a decision, when in reality, I have other things to worry about.

I've also been sick the past few days, fevers, soar throat, congested nose, runny nose... it's just super inconvenient when you have to worry about midterms and getting better... Also, when you're the kid who keeps blowing your nose and sneezing in class, you kind of get annoyed at yourself.

I know that I should talk to my friends or family about my stress and that will help me, but I just don't feel comfortable talking about this to my family and worrying them in a sense, like I used to talk to my mom, but I could kind of tell that she didn't understand why I was always so stressed. And my friends are all just so happy right now, I don't want to burden them with stuff. Like Y just started a new relationship, and I would rather see her being happy then her worrying about me. ST seems to be really happy with someone the people that she's met in her program. W is really busy studying and volunteering and she's busy trying to figure out what she wants to do after grad school.

And H... I don't know what happened to him, but I feel like we aren't even friends anymore. I feel like he's avoiding me, or he may be to stressed, I just keep giving him the benefit of the doubt, but I feel like we're just drifting apart and that we will never be as good of friends as we were last semester. And what bothers me is that I care that he may or may not be avoiding me. It pisses me off, more than I would like to admit. I keep thinking I may have done something to make him treat me this way, but I sort of have a feeling I haven't done anything. I don't know it's just do you really go from showing that you really care about someone to ignoring them the next week? I just want to give up on him, but something inside me won't let me. I know I'm over him, but I just don't want to lose our friendship...

-J

Out of the Funk... ish

Hey guys!

So I've been having a pretty up and down week, well if you guys read my blog regularly you know why. But it's been getting a lot better and I think it's officially over. I am passed my funk, well for everything but midterms :P But yes, I am out of my funk! Just an FYI, I go through mini depression moment a few times a yer, generally when I'm over stressed. So o worries :D

Okay, so after last weekend, I thought my boss would be pissed at me for yelling at him, but he wasn't! So let me start from the beginning. So after last weekends crazy day, I found out that my boss messed up my paycheck, and I sent him a not so nice text saying that he messed it up. And I had a feeling he was really pissed off at me. He was supposed to work with me tonight (last night), so I was thinking of ways I could kind of make up for it, without apologizing, cause I found that I had no reason to. But he calls me and tells me hat he won't be working with me and that he was going to send his brother i law to come work with me. After that call I though he was super pissed at me and just "I don't want to deal with her." But it turns out that I was wrong (or I think). He came in and said hi to us (cause he had to drop off some things we needed for the catering) and when I said hi, he looked at me with this (I have no other way of saying it), guilty face, like a little kid when he knows he did something wrong face. But for all I know it could have been his "I hate you face." But we talked for like 2 seconds and he had to leave for another party. So I think things are going well between us.

And of course, midterms are coming up! And I am stressing, because my first one is Monday and I haven't done anything for it yet... well I have but not enough, I haven't even gone through all the notes yet and I still have to do the practice problems... I am stressing I basically have one ore day to do it all... and my assignment. I hate being a student -.-





-J

Best Friends

You know you are surrounded by very good friends when they are all willing to drop what they're doing and help you in your time of need.

I've been down in a funk lately and work really hasn't helped especially with Midterms coming up. I worked 23 hours this weekend (not in 3 days in 2!). I was super tired from Saturdays shift and I knew my boss wasn't going to let me go home early on Sunday cause I was the only Operations Manager in, so I had to suck it up and do my 12 hour shift. But as it turns out, by the end of the night, I was the only person left to close all the stores... cause he took the manager with him for a catering job. I was already pissed all day, I was with a girl I didn't like, I was having mood swings all day, and then to close the stores, I had to stay an extra hour and almost a half! I was so pissed cause I worked 13 hour and only got a freaking 20 minute break! 1) that is not legal 2) My boss was a fricking idiot (Yes I told him to his face in a not so nice way) and 3) it's not even moral on his part to make me work this much. At least he had the decency to drive me home. i left a huge mess in one of the stores, but I know he wouldn't say a word to me cause I was so pissed at him. i finished after the buses for Laronde ended and after the last metro. I even swore at a customer, that never EVER happens. It was a horrible day to say the least.

But eve since Thursday I've been feeling stressed and depressed and this really just pushed me of the edge. I just completely broke down today, on the bus! ON THE BUS? Like who does that? Well obviously me. So I got off 8 stops early and called H and we talked until I got home.

I was also on the phone with ST for 2 hours last night talking stuff over.

I'm just glad I have all my close circle of friends supporting me. And it may be selfish of me to say, it's nice to know that they all care about me so much. They put aside what they were doing, studying, preparing for labs, getting ready, anything just to talk to me over the past few days. it truly is amazing.

I know half of them don't read this blog, but thank you to H, ST, W, Y, and AB  for being there for me when I needed them, cause honestly without them, I wouldn't know what to do right now. They support me and are willing to be there for me all the time. And sometimes I feel bad using up all their time when they have other things to do. I love these friends to death.

And as I was writing this, an earthquake hit Montreal. It's like the Earth is moved by my friends too :P

I just hope I can be there for my friends when they need me, just liek how they are always there for me when I need them.

-J