Rainy Feelings for a Rainy Day

You know those rainy days when you don't want to do anything, you just want to lie around and sleep all day and worry about tomorrow... well tomorrow? And then you find yourself waking up the next day regretting not doing anything the previous day? Well yes, today is one of those days.

I have two more midterms to go through and they are the trickier ones, but I'm just not motivated to study, but I know I have to since I work tomorrow, and I'll be tired on Sunday. But I really just can't bring myself to sit down and study. I feel restless, but tired, hungry all the time, and then I regret eating all the things that I ate. I keep trying to find distractions, but even the distractions start to annoy me. And then I just end up doing nothing, and then getting mad at myself for doing nothing. It's just super complicated in my head right now, it's like I want to do something, but I don't at the same time. And I know I said it was out of the funk, but maybe I'm not cleared yet.

It may also have to do with the fact that it is midterm season, and the marks I have been getting back aren't as good as I expected. Although they are still very good marks, I wanted them to be better, I kind of expected myself to work on school a lot harder than I have been. I only have myself to blame though, cause I could always focus more or work harder. I just can't bring myself to focus on school.

And sometimes I want to just sot down with someone and talk about this, but honestly, everyone's busy with their own stuff, and they're stressing out too. I'm not the only one worried about marks and a personal life and school and work. A lot of other people are too. I just have to find a good stress reliever mechanism... that doesn't involve any illegal things :P

So ya, there's school, there's work... I'm excited to work, but I'm also getting really tired of it. The hours are long, the shifts are a little too strenuous. We are underpaid... but I keep telling myself that I only have two more weeks, then I'm done for the season, and next season is well next season. I'll worry about that when it comes... but I still find myself thinking about next season, and I keep trying to make a decision, when in reality, I have other things to worry about.

I've also been sick the past few days, fevers, soar throat, congested nose, runny nose... it's just super inconvenient when you have to worry about midterms and getting better... Also, when you're the kid who keeps blowing your nose and sneezing in class, you kind of get annoyed at yourself.

I know that I should talk to my friends or family about my stress and that will help me, but I just don't feel comfortable talking about this to my family and worrying them in a sense, like I used to talk to my mom, but I could kind of tell that she didn't understand why I was always so stressed. And my friends are all just so happy right now, I don't want to burden them with stuff. Like Y just started a new relationship, and I would rather see her being happy then her worrying about me. ST seems to be really happy with someone the people that she's met in her program. W is really busy studying and volunteering and she's busy trying to figure out what she wants to do after grad school.

And H... I don't know what happened to him, but I feel like we aren't even friends anymore. I feel like he's avoiding me, or he may be to stressed, I just keep giving him the benefit of the doubt, but I feel like we're just drifting apart and that we will never be as good of friends as we were last semester. And what bothers me is that I care that he may or may not be avoiding me. It pisses me off, more than I would like to admit. I keep thinking I may have done something to make him treat me this way, but I sort of have a feeling I haven't done anything. I don't know it's just do you really go from showing that you really care about someone to ignoring them the next week? I just want to give up on him, but something inside me won't let me. I know I'm over him, but I just don't want to lose our friendship...

-J

So Tired...

Hey guys,

So yesterday was my first 16 hour shift EVER! and I am dead tired... We had a huge order at work yesterday. Making 13000 pastries for the order. I was supposed to work 1-11, then it got changed to 11:30-11 which isn't that bad, a normal double shift for me. Then my boss asked me to go in for 9:30... I said no, but ended up going in for 10 anyways.

We started off my making about 2000 Beavertails in 2 hours, then we started serving out guests. They day itself was really nice cause I got to work with MD and G, so we were just fooling around all day, my boss even caught me making a dough man on the job :P.

Then at 10, my boss calls me to see if I wanted to do a catering job at a wedding. Cause yes, Beavertails caters now, but only in Montreal. So I ended up going to a hall to serve Beavertails. So we leave to go to the catering, and I didn't have the "right" official Beavertails uniform on, so my boss made me wear his shirt. It's really funny, cause my co-worker was like "Umm J, we usually wear our boyfriends shirts... Not our bosses..." That was funny and we laughed pretty hard about that. Ohh work seriously doesn't feel like work most of the time. I ended up getting home around 2 in the morning yesterday... so a 10AM-2AM shift :) What a joy, well to some degree it was.

Well that's all I wanted to tell you guys about :)
Until next time!
-J

In Need of R&R

So tired... I've been working the past few days and I am tired from that, well more like my feet are soar, but then today I decide to spend the whole day in wedges. Smart choice? Not so  much, cause now my feet really really hurt me :( But as I type, and you perhaps read, I am preparing a tub of water to soak my feet in. Hopefully they come out feeling amazing.

Aside from that, I haven't been up to much, granted it hasn't been that long since I last updated. Just worked and had a lunch date with my friends today. So that was fun. Also cause it's one of the only times I get to go out with my friends.

I have finished most of my half finished books, so I've finished Micro and Fifty Shades Darker in just have to finish Game of Thrones and I should be able to move ahead with my reading list, next I'll be tackling the John Green books. and I've started the last Fifty Shades book, what is it about this series that makes me want to keep reading it?

I still haven't talked to H, and even though I miss him sometimes, I don't text him, and it's weird, but it feels good to get some distance from him and it even feels comfortable to a certain extent. I know that it might not make sense, but I'm not that bugged by the fact that we haven't talked for such a long time, well okay, the fact that I'm writing this here means I do care, but I don't know, I don't want to text him cause he may not want to talk to me, and if he wanted to talk to me, he would text me no? But W and BB are saying that maybe he's thinking the same thing on his end, maybe he's waiting for me to text. But like the lambda test I was doing a while ago, I guess I'll just have to wait and see if he comes around. Sigh... why do boys have to be so complicated?

Stay cool and enjoy your summer!
-J