Hey guys!
So it was my birthday last Saturday and I celebrated it with my friends on Friday and I decided to celebrate with my family on Saturday. so obviously with this plan, I didn't get any school work done at all this weekend.
I went to 3amigos with my girlfriends on Friday, on the guest list was ST, W, BB, Y, S, GW, CL and a few other people that I've never mentioned on the blog, we were 10 in total. And as per 3amigos style, they give you a sombrero when it's your birthday, along with a slice of cake, YUM! I had a blast at supper and I got really cool presents! Thank you to everyone that came :D Along the presents were: cupcakes, perfume, a book, nail polish, a tea cup, and others. And GW paid for my supper :) which was super sweet of her.
After supper we headed to a pub where, thank to my sombrero, I got a huge happy birthday from a table of guys and one of the guys wished me happy birthday and shook my hand. We were at the table next to his and the whole time we were there, he would look at me (and not like in stealth, like outright let me look at the table). Every time we were looking at pics he would look at the pic, every time we said something he would turn over and look. I refused to make eye contact, which made it all the more fun to see him keep trying (I never said I was nice :P). And when we were leaving, his whole table was looking over at us, and he was looking at me. I ended up putting my sombrero on his head said "Voila!" and his face lit up, it was so cute, like his eyes got all wide and his smile grew into a giant smile. Now in case you are wondering, he was pretty cute. His table started cheering and he got up and gave me a giant hug, with a squeeze :D, and kissed me on the cheek. All his friends wanted him to kiss me, but I said no, and like a gentleman he didn't protest. And no, I didn't get his name or number, which I wish I did :(
Then we headed to a bar, Saint-Sulpice for those of you who know where that is, and we chilled and danced there for a while before making out way home. My "home" for the nigh was Y's house, since I can't stay out till late, that was a solution. Not much happened at the sleep over since it was late and her whole entire house was asleep :P
I came home the next morning for about an hour, then headed out to go see AK, cause she couldn't make it the night before. We had lunch at this super cute Korean restaurant and then we went out for coffee. It was nice to spend the afternoon with her cause I haven't seen her for a long time. And we just talked about school and our lives and what we plan for the future (where we would live, what we could do for honeymoons) and other random things. It was a very relaxing afternoon.
Then I came home and went out for supper with my family, and when we were leaving the restaurant, I learned that my brother invited one of his friends over. This friend turned out to have invited one of my neighbors over, and that neighbor invited two other neighbors. And they all knew it was my birthday, so they came over with birthday wished and a few had presents. We all chilled and since the first neighbor got me a pterodactyl Lego set, I decided to sit down and build it :P And it took me an hour, but it was fun :P every time I messed up one of my brothers friends would take the pieces apart for me so I could fix my mistake. I chilled with them the whole night, talking, watching Youtube videos, playing Slenderman, which is a horror game, and then just chatting with him. It wasn't awkward cause they are all my friends too.
So basically I spent Friday with all my girlfriends and Saturday night with a few of my guy friends. It was
a nice way to spend my birthday, although I didn't get much sleep this weekend :P And now I have to cattch up in school work :(
Also the best birthday wish I got was from MD: "J!!!!! I wanted to wish u a happy birthday. Honestly I believe that your such a good person! Your real and most people lack that characteristic. You are gold. Stay gold J!!! We need more people like you in this world. Happy Birthday :) [...] U deserve the world!!!" I copied it down word for word, so please forgive me for the spelling mistakes :P This made my night though, it was so sweet.
-J
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
School is Back
It's been about 2 weeks since school started and yes, I am already buried in work and behind in lectures... Oh the wonders of school. This semester is turning out not so bad, well not really. I have 8:30 classes every morning and I have ten minutes to walk form Sherbrooke to Pine everyday (for those of you who live in Montreal, we all know how bad the climb is on Peel). But I do have a very interesting class on Drug Dependence and the class has proven to be both super interesting and super disturbing. We watched a video of the ER in a hospital in Chicago with patients coming in from trauma cases where they either drank or abused drugs that night, and some people had cuts, another guy had a hole in his shoulder (like a huge bloody one), and another man's lungs exploded on him after a motorcycle accident (yes, blood was coming out of him). It's one of those classes where you come out and you're like "I am never going near that stuff/ I am never going to touch that stuff." This class requires a lot of reading though -.- and there are pop quizzes, but it's fun so it's worth it :)
Nothing much is happening other than that. I'm pretty busy this weekend cause it's my birthday and I'm going to go out with friends for supper tomorrow night and celebrate with my family on the weekend and hopefully get some rest and squeeze some school work in there too. I have 2 chapters to read for my drug class, and a bunch of lectures I have to review, not to mention 20 amino acids to memorize -.-
I am also trying to keep up with the healthy new years resolution of getting into shape, and so far, I haven't been too too good at it, but Y and I are planning to go to the gym 3 times a week and I still have to go to my zumba classes. I'll have to try to do it during the weekend. I have been doing pushups and crunches at home, along with some other random stretched or exercises, so maybe that counts too? And don't forget walkign up that stupid hill D:
Sorry for the boring "I shouldn't even have posted this post" post, but I was in the mood for posting :P How are you're new years resolutions and school year coming along?
-J
Nothing much is happening other than that. I'm pretty busy this weekend cause it's my birthday and I'm going to go out with friends for supper tomorrow night and celebrate with my family on the weekend and hopefully get some rest and squeeze some school work in there too. I have 2 chapters to read for my drug class, and a bunch of lectures I have to review, not to mention 20 amino acids to memorize -.-
I am also trying to keep up with the healthy new years resolution of getting into shape, and so far, I haven't been too too good at it, but Y and I are planning to go to the gym 3 times a week and I still have to go to my zumba classes. I'll have to try to do it during the weekend. I have been doing pushups and crunches at home, along with some other random stretched or exercises, so maybe that counts too? And don't forget walkign up that stupid hill D:
Sorry for the boring "I shouldn't even have posted this post" post, but I was in the mood for posting :P How are you're new years resolutions and school year coming along?
-J
Thursday, January 3, 2013
I Knew You Were Trouble
Hey guys, so it's two days past new years and I'm already breaking the be more confident. But I said I would try, it doesn't mean I'll be good at it. But this post isn't about my new years resolutions, cause come on it's been 2 days, I have a year to do the stuff on my list. I'm actually confused, and wish I had a little sister to talk things out with about, but I don't and I know my friends are busy with others things, so I turn to you guys, and in this case maybe you guys is no one, but it's nice to just write things down. Obviously I do own a journal, but I made this blog a little over a year ago to share with you guys my experiences, so I figure why not, since this is what the blog is made for, although I have some readers that I would have never thought would read my blog. A lot of you might have noticed that sometimes my posts are random, or they switch gears really randomly, like one minute I'm headed one direction and the next I'm going the other way, but that's cause all my posts are written in one shot. Or as one shot as I try to make it cause sometimes I do get distracted with family or other things. But they are not planned out and they are not spell checked and proofread (although if I notice a mistake, I try to fix it). I don't reread through my posts after they have been posted, this is seriously like a journal type blog, so please bear with me and my random thoughts.
So what I'm confused about tonight is a guy, and ST and W and even O, you don't have to keep reading cause you already know what the issue is. But I just want to get all my feelings down and then see for myself how I really feel and how I should go about my confusion, hopefully it doesn't just confuse me more than it already has, cause it seems like every time I try to figure this out, it just gets worse.
So I've talked about L before and there have been a lot of negative things about him, but he's not always a complete ass. I can't remember what the first ting I said about him is, but I remember telling you guys that I was showing interest in him, whether that was this year or last year (I really can't remember when he first showed up on my blog). But in real life, it been more than a year. You know that guy that you kind of like, but you don't at the same time, like the one that you love and hate at the same time. Ya that's what I feel with him, and the thing is, maybe I just realized this as I'm writing it, but he has the potential to be a really good best guy friend. I mean he isn't like a lot of the guys I know cause most of them are studious and in a sense "good." He's smart in his own ways, and he's got a pretty good sense in style, like I would want to walk around shopping with him cause he would totally try on the clothes I get him. He's bad in a sense, not totally bad ass being a thug bad, but he's not the best influence I can be around. But he has his quirks, he's fun to argue with and to be silly around, and on some level I feel very comfortable around him.
So what confuses me? Well I don't know if I like like him and see him as a potential boyfriend, or I just like being around him and want him as just a friend. The thing is I kind f see myself going out with him, but at the same time I don't, and ST is right, I'm scared of being in a relationship, like I like the idea, but when it clicks that it might be real, I freak and friendzone a lot of people. And the thing is, how can someone who likes the idea of relationships so much be scared of them? Well cause I always see the bad sides of them, I've helped my friends with a fair share of heartbreak (and well I've nursed a few of my own) and it's scary, all the hurt that falls out from so much love. I don't know if I'm ready to deal with all of that. And obviously I know that I will never know unless I put myself out there ad try, but I'm scared. Scared that I'm not good enough, or that the relationship will end really badly, and the thing is I get attached very easily, so it's going to be hard for me when I go through my first break up with someone. The rejection I've faced once, and that was a shock, although I was expecting it. So I think I'm just scared of not being rejected by the ones I love, or being abandoned by them when they see that I'm not as nice as they think I am.
So back to L, I don't know if I like him like him, and a lot of times when it's just us two, I always think, maybe I should just kiss him and get this over with. Cause maybe kissing him would tell me if I really like him or not, cause I remember my first kiss and I didn't feel anything from that other than the loud booming music in the background. So maybe when we kiss someone we actually like we do feel fireworks or whatever. And I always think that, which annoys me, cause a) I don't normally think things like "hey let's just kiss" and b) I'm not that bold! But something about him just, I don't know, makes me want to really find out if I like him or not, and I'll admit, I have a hard time figuring out if I like a guy or not, but with him, it's like the harder I try, the more blurred the lines become. There are sides to him which I like and others that I'm a little wishy washy about, but all in all, he's a good kid.
I like that when I'm with him, we can sit in silence, I used to sit with him on the bus for 20 minutes in complete silence and it wouldn't be awkward, well at first when I didn't know him that well then obviously it was awkward, but we got to a point where we just sat next to each other or facing one another and it would be fine to just listen to our music and not talk, with a lot of other people, I feel the need to fill the silence even though it's not awkward to begin with. With him, it's just nice to sit there and enjoy the company. Also I like that he's open, like he would complain about work to me and tell me about the girls that have rejected him (which always turns out to be pretty entertaining), and he would tell me how he doesn't like his parents much, or his brother for that matter, and he would also tell me his plans for school and his future living conditions, now don't get all "He's totally into you!" yet, cause I know he tells other people about this stuff too. I'm not the only special one that gets into the mind of L. Although I know he likes to vent about stuff with me, I don't know if he also does this with BD, which kind of annoys me, cause you guys know how much I love her -.- And if you didn't I just made it completely evident. They are pretty good friends, so maybe they both talk shit about me behind my back, but that is besides the point. I don't know who else he would tell his stories to besides me, so I don't feel special in regards to that point.
The thing about him is that he has a lot of characteristics of what I don't look for in a guy, I mean he smokes pot, he dropped out of school (although he's going back to school this semester), he parties all the time, gets wasted a lot. But he also has a plan for where he wants to be headed, and even though a lot of the times things get in the way of his plans, he plans around them. Like he just lost his job twice in the past 4 months be he isn't going to let that stop him from planning to move out and to go on vacations to really cool places around the world. Although I know he's bummed and piss about it, he's not the time to sit around and complain about it and mope around. He'll get up and try looking for other jobs and still go out with friends. He's also one of the guy that will brush up on things he doesn't know and is pretty strongly opinionated. When I'm with him, it's like being with a good friend, I can just be myself, no need to impress or to show off and I'm pretty relaxed around him, I would push him around and joke around with him. Although I've noticed that I have a hard time looking him in the eye (just like everyone else I'm close to). It's a habit, I think I'm scared of seeing that they judge me as I talk or do something, or it's a low self esteem thing.
Is it normal that I have been thinking about all this stuff with L for over a year? In my head it isn't, I mean I barely know the kid! And according to a lot of people, I make him sound like as asshole, and I think I may have a point making him sound that way, I mean he's told me that he is only interested in girls that register as a 5 or higher on his list and that I am not in that category. Today when we met up for bubble tea, I noticed that his eyes traveled south from my face a few times, and for long enough for me to notice too.
But at the same time, I like how he was being honest with me in telling me that BD hates me, not that I didn't know before hand, I mean she makes it really obvious. Right now a bunch of us are in the running to be manager at work. BD is already the manager, but if she leave I'm next in line and L also believes that he is in the running, but my boss has stated many times that he is not. And apparently BD made a statement making it sound like I want to steal her job even thought she is still working for my boss, and from that L told me that she was being very hateful about it. It was funny hearing it from him since I know that they are pretty good friends. I am glad that since BD is staying manager, I won't have to take the position and feel bad about being manager even though L wanted the position too. I mean, I wouldn't mind taking it from BD but i consider L a friend, so I would feel bad about it.
So I guess this post didn't really help with anything other than make me realize that I want to keep him around cause after all he is a friend. So that's a start right? And I think I would rather keep him as a friend than be something more with him, at least that's what I get after writing the post.
Sorry it got so long though, I wasn't expecting it to be this long, and I deviated a lot from the actual goal of the post, but I can't control my thoughts, I'm only human :P
I guess I'll end this post with a quote from Taylor Swift: "I knew you were trouble when you walked in." I could not have explain it better myself, and right now this is one of my favorite songs and people say that your favorite songs are your favorite because they speak to you in a sense.
-J
So what I'm confused about tonight is a guy, and ST and W and even O, you don't have to keep reading cause you already know what the issue is. But I just want to get all my feelings down and then see for myself how I really feel and how I should go about my confusion, hopefully it doesn't just confuse me more than it already has, cause it seems like every time I try to figure this out, it just gets worse.
So I've talked about L before and there have been a lot of negative things about him, but he's not always a complete ass. I can't remember what the first ting I said about him is, but I remember telling you guys that I was showing interest in him, whether that was this year or last year (I really can't remember when he first showed up on my blog). But in real life, it been more than a year. You know that guy that you kind of like, but you don't at the same time, like the one that you love and hate at the same time. Ya that's what I feel with him, and the thing is, maybe I just realized this as I'm writing it, but he has the potential to be a really good best guy friend. I mean he isn't like a lot of the guys I know cause most of them are studious and in a sense "good." He's smart in his own ways, and he's got a pretty good sense in style, like I would want to walk around shopping with him cause he would totally try on the clothes I get him. He's bad in a sense, not totally bad ass being a thug bad, but he's not the best influence I can be around. But he has his quirks, he's fun to argue with and to be silly around, and on some level I feel very comfortable around him.
So what confuses me? Well I don't know if I like like him and see him as a potential boyfriend, or I just like being around him and want him as just a friend. The thing is I kind f see myself going out with him, but at the same time I don't, and ST is right, I'm scared of being in a relationship, like I like the idea, but when it clicks that it might be real, I freak and friendzone a lot of people. And the thing is, how can someone who likes the idea of relationships so much be scared of them? Well cause I always see the bad sides of them, I've helped my friends with a fair share of heartbreak (and well I've nursed a few of my own) and it's scary, all the hurt that falls out from so much love. I don't know if I'm ready to deal with all of that. And obviously I know that I will never know unless I put myself out there ad try, but I'm scared. Scared that I'm not good enough, or that the relationship will end really badly, and the thing is I get attached very easily, so it's going to be hard for me when I go through my first break up with someone. The rejection I've faced once, and that was a shock, although I was expecting it. So I think I'm just scared of not being rejected by the ones I love, or being abandoned by them when they see that I'm not as nice as they think I am.
So back to L, I don't know if I like him like him, and a lot of times when it's just us two, I always think, maybe I should just kiss him and get this over with. Cause maybe kissing him would tell me if I really like him or not, cause I remember my first kiss and I didn't feel anything from that other than the loud booming music in the background. So maybe when we kiss someone we actually like we do feel fireworks or whatever. And I always think that, which annoys me, cause a) I don't normally think things like "hey let's just kiss" and b) I'm not that bold! But something about him just, I don't know, makes me want to really find out if I like him or not, and I'll admit, I have a hard time figuring out if I like a guy or not, but with him, it's like the harder I try, the more blurred the lines become. There are sides to him which I like and others that I'm a little wishy washy about, but all in all, he's a good kid.
I like that when I'm with him, we can sit in silence, I used to sit with him on the bus for 20 minutes in complete silence and it wouldn't be awkward, well at first when I didn't know him that well then obviously it was awkward, but we got to a point where we just sat next to each other or facing one another and it would be fine to just listen to our music and not talk, with a lot of other people, I feel the need to fill the silence even though it's not awkward to begin with. With him, it's just nice to sit there and enjoy the company. Also I like that he's open, like he would complain about work to me and tell me about the girls that have rejected him (which always turns out to be pretty entertaining), and he would tell me how he doesn't like his parents much, or his brother for that matter, and he would also tell me his plans for school and his future living conditions, now don't get all "He's totally into you!" yet, cause I know he tells other people about this stuff too. I'm not the only special one that gets into the mind of L. Although I know he likes to vent about stuff with me, I don't know if he also does this with BD, which kind of annoys me, cause you guys know how much I love her -.- And if you didn't I just made it completely evident. They are pretty good friends, so maybe they both talk shit about me behind my back, but that is besides the point. I don't know who else he would tell his stories to besides me, so I don't feel special in regards to that point.
The thing about him is that he has a lot of characteristics of what I don't look for in a guy, I mean he smokes pot, he dropped out of school (although he's going back to school this semester), he parties all the time, gets wasted a lot. But he also has a plan for where he wants to be headed, and even though a lot of the times things get in the way of his plans, he plans around them. Like he just lost his job twice in the past 4 months be he isn't going to let that stop him from planning to move out and to go on vacations to really cool places around the world. Although I know he's bummed and piss about it, he's not the time to sit around and complain about it and mope around. He'll get up and try looking for other jobs and still go out with friends. He's also one of the guy that will brush up on things he doesn't know and is pretty strongly opinionated. When I'm with him, it's like being with a good friend, I can just be myself, no need to impress or to show off and I'm pretty relaxed around him, I would push him around and joke around with him. Although I've noticed that I have a hard time looking him in the eye (just like everyone else I'm close to). It's a habit, I think I'm scared of seeing that they judge me as I talk or do something, or it's a low self esteem thing.
Is it normal that I have been thinking about all this stuff with L for over a year? In my head it isn't, I mean I barely know the kid! And according to a lot of people, I make him sound like as asshole, and I think I may have a point making him sound that way, I mean he's told me that he is only interested in girls that register as a 5 or higher on his list and that I am not in that category. Today when we met up for bubble tea, I noticed that his eyes traveled south from my face a few times, and for long enough for me to notice too.
But at the same time, I like how he was being honest with me in telling me that BD hates me, not that I didn't know before hand, I mean she makes it really obvious. Right now a bunch of us are in the running to be manager at work. BD is already the manager, but if she leave I'm next in line and L also believes that he is in the running, but my boss has stated many times that he is not. And apparently BD made a statement making it sound like I want to steal her job even thought she is still working for my boss, and from that L told me that she was being very hateful about it. It was funny hearing it from him since I know that they are pretty good friends. I am glad that since BD is staying manager, I won't have to take the position and feel bad about being manager even though L wanted the position too. I mean, I wouldn't mind taking it from BD but i consider L a friend, so I would feel bad about it.
So I guess this post didn't really help with anything other than make me realize that I want to keep him around cause after all he is a friend. So that's a start right? And I think I would rather keep him as a friend than be something more with him, at least that's what I get after writing the post.
Sorry it got so long though, I wasn't expecting it to be this long, and I deviated a lot from the actual goal of the post, but I can't control my thoughts, I'm only human :P
I guess I'll end this post with a quote from Taylor Swift: "I knew you were trouble when you walked in." I could not have explain it better myself, and right now this is one of my favorite songs and people say that your favorite songs are your favorite because they speak to you in a sense.
-J
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