Why is it that our first love is the hardest one to get over? Why is it the one that we never want to let go of? What makes it the special relationship that we always go back to in our lives? Can it be because it is in fact simply our first? The first time we ever fell for someone, the newness of the whole experience? And since it's our first, there is nothing to compare it to. Nothing to ruin the idea of love. It's all new and we all need to explore it before finding the flaws.
Everything new to us is something spectacular and amazing, we never forget the firsts. And love is no exception. We all remember who our first crush was, we all remember our first best friend, etc. The first anything is always what we go back and compare our current situation to. And most of the time, the first is something that can't be beat.
So what does make a first love so interesting? I honestly have no idea. But I can say that I still do think of the first person I feel in love with, a lot more than I would like to admit. And I think it;s the innocence around it all that we all want to go back to. When you fall for the first time, it;s the first, there is no ex to think about. It's just you and the person you're in love with, no bad history, nothing to be afraid of. But once it is over, we are afraid to be hurt by someone again, we become cautious around the ones that we might potentially fall in love with, and that stops us from loving as wholeheartedly as the first person. And every time we fall for someone after that, although the relationship may be perfect, we are still somewhat guarded, afraid that once again we might be hurt.
-J
Friday, February 10, 2012
A Glass of Wine for One?
So as most of you guys know Valentine's Day is coming up! For all the couples out there I am extremely happy that you guys have found someone special to you. For all the single ladies (me included), let us not spend this day feeling lonely. We all know that just because it's Valentine's day doesn't mean that the guy we like only loves us on this one day of the year. If they truly loved us, they would love us all year long (this goes to all you taken guys and girls as well!) We live in the 21st century, a girl can also ask a girl out, right? Heck yes! so all you girls out there, maybe the guy is too shy to ask, give it a shot, you never know till you do it right? And as I'm saying this, I will let you know that I have no intentions of telling H how I feel for the moment yet. That is something I will keep to myself a little longer unfortunately, I'm still working some feelings out. But I do hope to get some news about that to you guys sometimes soon, I know one particular reader that seems to want news about him :P (you know who you are). But all this set aside, although I'm not doing anything special on this Valentine's Day doesn't mean that I will be spending it feeling lonely.
Although seeing all the happy couples around me does make me sad, like it does every year. This year I know that although I'm not in a relationship I know that there is someone out there who thinks about me and worries about me (and no it is not a family member). An actual guy, someone who will remain letterless. But this person is very nice to me, and although we might not have romantic feelings for one another, I'm glad that I have a support at the moment. So thank you for that.
What I think about Valentine's Day is that it is just commercial holiday, like I've said before, you should be letting the person you like know that you love them everyday, not one day of the year because your calender and society says so. But that doesn't mean I don't want to receive flowers or roses on that day :P
So now you must be wondering why I have the title I have. Well this title is because I got a bottle of wine from H and SB on my birthday and I have yet to drink it. I don't know when I will, but when I do, it will probably be alone, maybe on Valentine's day (I kid). I guess, I was hoping I would be able to share it with either one of them, but clearly that won't be happening any time soon...
Till next time :)
-J
Although seeing all the happy couples around me does make me sad, like it does every year. This year I know that although I'm not in a relationship I know that there is someone out there who thinks about me and worries about me (and no it is not a family member). An actual guy, someone who will remain letterless. But this person is very nice to me, and although we might not have romantic feelings for one another, I'm glad that I have a support at the moment. So thank you for that.
What I think about Valentine's Day is that it is just commercial holiday, like I've said before, you should be letting the person you like know that you love them everyday, not one day of the year because your calender and society says so. But that doesn't mean I don't want to receive flowers or roses on that day :P
So now you must be wondering why I have the title I have. Well this title is because I got a bottle of wine from H and SB on my birthday and I have yet to drink it. I don't know when I will, but when I do, it will probably be alone, maybe on Valentine's day (I kid). I guess, I was hoping I would be able to share it with either one of them, but clearly that won't be happening any time soon...
Till next time :)
-J
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Me, Myself & I
I've noticed that I am not as nice as people believe me to be. I'm not the kindhearted person people think I am. Or I can be, but I don't feel like I am. I see in myself a selfish person, someone who always puts her best interest in front of others, but I also know that that isn't necessarily true either. If one of my friends need help, I will help. I don't always need some "prize" at the end of something. Sometimes helping someone is the prize.
That set aside, I know I still am a selfish person. Although I just stated that somethings are done just for the sake of helping the thing is, I go into it thinking "Ohh, well how will doing _____ help me?" I've also noticed that most of the conversations I have with people revolve around myself. I seem to like talking about myself, but everything I say comes out as a complaint. I barely ever say anything positive about myself. There is always something wrong, my grades, my looks, my friend, my crush, always something for me to complain about. And I feel like I burden people with this useless information. But sometimes I feel like I just have to be the center of attention (although oddly enough, the thought of having the spotlight on me scares me).
I also try to keep things, and not share them (not always though, somethings are too good to be kept to myself), but sometimes I get possessive over people. If I know someone who I find is really special to me, I want them to pay all their attention on me and not someone else. I don't want their attention to wonder. I just want to be their most important person. Now it may seem that I'm talking about guy friends, but I'm also talking about the girls, I have trouble "sharing" friends sometimes cause I know that I'm not the most interesting person around. I guess I'm just afraid to loose people. Well, it's no guess, I know I have trouble saying bye to people, and letting go of people as well. But what I'm getting at is that I want people to see me as boring and just leave me.
I feel like sometimes, without really noticing I put myself down so others will say something nice to make me feel better about myself, kind of like reassurance that I'm not as bad as I think I am. Now you may be thinking that I do it for other peoples' pity, but I don't. I don't like being pitied. I think I do it as a way of letting me know what other people think of me. Although I know that most of the time it's more of them being nice than telling the truth.
But I am glad that I have the friends I do, they like me the way I am, self-centered or not. And I know that when they compliment me, it's sincere. they don't say things just because I want to hear it. They say it cause they mean it.
And there is always that one person who says the nicest things to me, and I know he means it from his heart. And all those things have helped me gain some confidence. So thank you ♥
-J
That set aside, I know I still am a selfish person. Although I just stated that somethings are done just for the sake of helping the thing is, I go into it thinking "Ohh, well how will doing _____ help me?" I've also noticed that most of the conversations I have with people revolve around myself. I seem to like talking about myself, but everything I say comes out as a complaint. I barely ever say anything positive about myself. There is always something wrong, my grades, my looks, my friend, my crush, always something for me to complain about. And I feel like I burden people with this useless information. But sometimes I feel like I just have to be the center of attention (although oddly enough, the thought of having the spotlight on me scares me).
I also try to keep things, and not share them (not always though, somethings are too good to be kept to myself), but sometimes I get possessive over people. If I know someone who I find is really special to me, I want them to pay all their attention on me and not someone else. I don't want their attention to wonder. I just want to be their most important person. Now it may seem that I'm talking about guy friends, but I'm also talking about the girls, I have trouble "sharing" friends sometimes cause I know that I'm not the most interesting person around. I guess I'm just afraid to loose people. Well, it's no guess, I know I have trouble saying bye to people, and letting go of people as well. But what I'm getting at is that I want people to see me as boring and just leave me.
I feel like sometimes, without really noticing I put myself down so others will say something nice to make me feel better about myself, kind of like reassurance that I'm not as bad as I think I am. Now you may be thinking that I do it for other peoples' pity, but I don't. I don't like being pitied. I think I do it as a way of letting me know what other people think of me. Although I know that most of the time it's more of them being nice than telling the truth.
But I am glad that I have the friends I do, they like me the way I am, self-centered or not. And I know that when they compliment me, it's sincere. they don't say things just because I want to hear it. They say it cause they mean it.
And there is always that one person who says the nicest things to me, and I know he means it from his heart. And all those things have helped me gain some confidence. So thank you ♥
-J
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Friends
A friend is described by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as "one attached to another by affection or esteem".
And I find that friends are very important people in our lives. I
believe that every person has one friend, no matter what they believe,
and what is amazing about friends is that they come in all forms and
sometimes in the most unexpected places. And what is amazing about it is
that you make them through emotions, you connect with your friends
through shared emotions or common interests.
We
make friends when we are mad, sad, happy, lost, and in all stages of
our lives, young or old. We all appreciate company from people who truly
care about us. However we have to remember that there are several types
of friends. Friends can be like family, they can be like brothers and
sisters, but family can also be friends. You can treat your
brother/sister like a friend. I know I treat mine like friends :).
But
coming back to friends, we have different kinds, we have the ones that
we see all the time, the ones that we do everything with and tell
everything too. This group of friends usually consist of a little group
of people usually from 1-4 friends, usually referred to as out best
friend(s).
Then
we have friends, who are the people you hang out with a lot, but don't
tell everything to, this can be anyone from a simple classroom friend to
a work friend. Just someone you enjoy being around and that you have
common interests with.
Then
there are other friends, friends you don't see all the time, but when
you do, you feel like you've been with them the whole time you were
apart. The friends that you feel like you've known forever and can trust
even though you have just met...
Then
there are the friends that use you for various things, homework, a fill
in for someone else, a person that you can get things through... those
are the friends that you want to let go of, the ones you know won't be
there for you when you need them the most, the ones that will drop you
in the blink of an eye and never look back.
The
ones you want to keep forever are the ones that you know will be there
for you forever, the ones that you enjoy being around, and the ones that
you trust and hold dear to you heart, and most importantly they feel
the same way about you. Unfortunately, we don't usually know which
friends are true and which are false until something bad happens. I know
I knew who my friends were when I was stuck in the situation with BF,
my true friends stayed with me while I cried and complained for a long
time, and the others simply left me alone and observed. There is also
when I have my depression episodes, my true friends would stay with me
and tell me that it's all good, and that I am perfect no matter what
others may say about me or what I may even think about myself.
I
am very grateful to have the friends I have at the moment, my true
friends who are always going to be there for me, and I will always be
there for them as well. Right now my close friends that I never want to
be separated from can be counted with one hand, and I want to keep it
that way, I like the close knit circle I have created with my friends,
although one of these friends are not close with the others, I still
cherish him, and hope that I will never loose him, because I know
loosing him would break my heart. Maybe not as greatly as with my other
friends, because loosing them will mark me forever. But he is still very
special. He is the one I can trust with anything and the one that gives
me advice straight from his heart, he doesn't give me what I want to hear, he gives me what I need to hear.
So since I know most of the close friends mentioned in this post will be reading this, I want to say thank
you for being my friend and sticking with me through all my ups and
downs, all my moments, both bad and good. Thank you for being there for
me. You guys love me for who I am, no matter how ridiculous, you
guys help me be true to myself and help me see who I truly am, even if I
don't see it most of the time. You guys are like the light that cuts
through the fog, and help me get to the other side safe and sound. You
guys are truly the greatest friends I have, and I hope I have been there
for you as much as you have been for me.
And to that one other friend, I know you'll probably never see this, but I
hope I never loose you no matter what happens. I may be selfish for
wanting to keep you, but you are truly one of the people that have kept
me grounded in the past month and the one I've trusted with the secrets I
may have never told anyone else. Thank you for being the shoulder I can
lean on and the rock to keep me grounded. You will probably never
understand how much I appreciate having a friend like you. You listen to
all my little stories and complaints and know how to make me see the
bright side of things. Thank you.
-J
Thursday, February 2, 2012
What is Perfect?
I've been wondering what it means for someone to be perfect... What goes into calling someone perfect? Is it their long flowing hair, perfectly symmetrical face, having a size 0 waist, being tall, having a nice eye color, having a nice physique, being rich? Why do we call so many people out there perfect?
Perfect is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as "being entirely without fault or defect" i.e. flawless. What makes someone flawless? We all have problems, someone that is rich is not the happiest person on Earth, and the same goes with someone who is extremely beautiful or handsome. The person may seem like they have it all, looks, money, friends, a career, a car, a boat, etc. but how are we to know if they are happy? Is perfect even possible? Well, we might think so, but once the "perfect" product is made, there will always be another product that will beat it, surpass our expectations. The same goes for people, 50 years ago, what society considered perfect is not the same as it is today, nor will it be the same 50 years from now... So is perfection relative to our perception? If someone is perfect in my mind, are they also perfect in your mind, and the mind of millions of others?
I've found people whom I thought were perfect, but building people up to that image of perfection and keeping them there is hard. When you find one flaw in a person everything comes apart, the magic is gone, and you are left with not a perfect being, but a human being. So is the adjective of being "perfect" only truly reserved for the Gods and Goddesses? Or is there somewhere out there a perfect human being, someone who has all the looks, all the money, all the friends (true friends, not false), no self torment, no regrets, a genuine and honest person, who has never done one wrong thing in their life? I would have to believe not, because the more perfect someone seems the more dark secrets they may have hidden behind their smile. I'm not saying that every seeming to be perfect person has a deep dark secret that will never see the light of day, no I am saying that we all have secrets. I'm not perfect, not even close and I have enough secrets to keep you thinking for a life time. Some secrets are known by my closest friends, others are not. We all have something to hide, but it's nothing to be afraid of.
The closest I have ever encountered that comes to perfection is a dear friend that I have recently made. Now for this post, not even a letter will be revealed. But this person seemed to have it all, the brains, the looks, the smile, the personality, the friends, the experiences, everything. However as I came to learn, this person was not as happy as they let on.They had their own troubles and self conflicts. And although I now know that this person is not "perfect" I still respect them and look up to them. So in my mind is this person still perfect, or are they simply a person I can relate to?
Tell me what you guys think.
-J
Perfect is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as "being entirely without fault or defect" i.e. flawless. What makes someone flawless? We all have problems, someone that is rich is not the happiest person on Earth, and the same goes with someone who is extremely beautiful or handsome. The person may seem like they have it all, looks, money, friends, a career, a car, a boat, etc. but how are we to know if they are happy? Is perfect even possible? Well, we might think so, but once the "perfect" product is made, there will always be another product that will beat it, surpass our expectations. The same goes for people, 50 years ago, what society considered perfect is not the same as it is today, nor will it be the same 50 years from now... So is perfection relative to our perception? If someone is perfect in my mind, are they also perfect in your mind, and the mind of millions of others?
I've found people whom I thought were perfect, but building people up to that image of perfection and keeping them there is hard. When you find one flaw in a person everything comes apart, the magic is gone, and you are left with not a perfect being, but a human being. So is the adjective of being "perfect" only truly reserved for the Gods and Goddesses? Or is there somewhere out there a perfect human being, someone who has all the looks, all the money, all the friends (true friends, not false), no self torment, no regrets, a genuine and honest person, who has never done one wrong thing in their life? I would have to believe not, because the more perfect someone seems the more dark secrets they may have hidden behind their smile. I'm not saying that every seeming to be perfect person has a deep dark secret that will never see the light of day, no I am saying that we all have secrets. I'm not perfect, not even close and I have enough secrets to keep you thinking for a life time. Some secrets are known by my closest friends, others are not. We all have something to hide, but it's nothing to be afraid of.
The closest I have ever encountered that comes to perfection is a dear friend that I have recently made. Now for this post, not even a letter will be revealed. But this person seemed to have it all, the brains, the looks, the smile, the personality, the friends, the experiences, everything. However as I came to learn, this person was not as happy as they let on.They had their own troubles and self conflicts. And although I now know that this person is not "perfect" I still respect them and look up to them. So in my mind is this person still perfect, or are they simply a person I can relate to?
Tell me what you guys think.
-J
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