Friends

Hey guys!

Yes, a procrastination post, what a surprise! So as the title suggest this is a post about friends. Now I know I've posted something similar to what I want this post to be about (but I'm too lazy to go an check if I have), if I did, it was a while ago, and my friend circle has changed ever so slightly. So I'm doing it again anyways.

So I know we all have friend circles and even within friend circles we can still divide people up into different categories, really, it just never ends. But I've noticed I have way too many friend circles, that in the end should really not be friend circles, but somehow they are and it just makes planning things so difficult and then I feel like a jerk because I'm hanging out with some people more than others. Anyways, back to the point at hand, I have way too many different groups of friends for me even to be able to think about, so I warn you that this post might be a little unflowy (not like they ever flow anyways).

So as we group we tend to lose some of the friends that we had when we were younger. We grow apart, move away, know different people, have disagreements and so on. But we always have the core group that we keep for a long time (hopefully forever). Now I don't know if I still have the core group form when I was really young because I have lost my best childhood friend because we started hanging out with different people and having different lifestyles, in fact i don't even see him anymore. I think it's been a solid 2-3 years since I've even seen him walk by. I also have a childhood friend that lives in Vancouver now and we barely talk to one another anymore because we haven't really been close since we were 5. From the friends I had from the age of 5, I still talk to two of them, and somehow I think it is due to the fact that my brothers are still really close to them (it doesn't help that I'm a girl :P). One of them does have a sister, but we've sort of grown apart as friends.

I feel like before I get into any more back stories of friends, I should introduce my close circle of friends. So as of the moment (because this could always change), my best friends would be W and ST. They are the ones I call/text first of anything and they are the ones I feel the closest too. Ironically, I feel like they are distant from me too because they both don't share things very openly and even though they both say I know them well, sometimes I feel like I barely know them. It's also funny that they are both VERY hard to get close to, and somehow I cracked them both! it's like I enjoy the challenge :P. Anyways, they are the ones I would go to if anything were to happen. I also have O, I'm not sure were to put her because we have times when we are pretty close and then times where we don't really talk (more because we don't go to the same school, so it's always hard to do things together). But I would probably not put her as a best friend, but more of a sister I guess, she's always there and no matter how long we spend without really talking we can still get along super well. And even though she's older than me, I can't help but feel like an older sis a lot of the time :P So those three are the ones I feel the closest to right now.

I also have my BB, who is also a really good friend, but I feel like we are growing pretty distant. I don't know if it's because we don't go to the same school anymore or something like that, but I also get the feeling that she is the one choosing to isolate herself. The thing it it isn't just with me, but with W and O as well. We were the 4 that were friends in high school and remained friends up until now. So it's strange to have one member kind of fall off without really knowing why.

From high school, I also have S, who isn't in Montreal right now, but is studying in Ottawa. We text once in a while, generally when we start texting one another we text for a few weeks and then we kind of fall off the grid again. Whenever she comes into town, I make sure to clear a day for her because she is nice to talk to and she is strongly opinionated in some ways and she isn't afraid to tell you what she thinks, which is often a  really good wake up call for me.

Then there are my current school friends, which yes also include ST and W. In this I also have LN, and ML. I'm a lot closer to LN than I am with ML. Consequently, the two of them are best friends. We all have classes together and we always have lunch together (this is ML, LN and I), so we talk quite frequently (mostly about boys and annoying people in our classes).

I also have AK that is a friend from school, but that I barely see around. I had met her in CEGEP and we've kept in touch since. I wouldn't consider us close, but I would consider her a good friend. We meet up for lunch or supper once in a while and we text each other too, but other than that we don't really see each other.

Then I have my work friends, I have CL and CT that I text often and talk to often. They are the ones I keep in contact with the most from work and the ones I see the most often. In the past few weeks though, the group has kind of been falling apart, with me talking to both of them, but from what I know, the two of them not really talking to each other very often.

From work I also have MD that I honestly wish I could see more of because when ever he is around I just feel so loose and unstressed. And he isn't afraid to tell me if there is something wrong with the way I am acting and he doesn't mind sitting down with me to talk about my problems for a few hours. He's honestly someone I think, that is just good for the soul. He's an amazing guy, and I feel bad that my first thought of him was that he was going to be an asshole (yes, I was stereotyping: Italian + good looking = douche). He turned out to be one of my most valued work friends though, like I feel like I could tell him anything and he won't judge me and he will try to understand my perspective. Although I talk to CL and CT more, I feel like he is the one that I am the closest to in terms of actually knowing the person.

I also have GW from work and she is just the person I look up to the most at work. To me, she is the perfect role model at work. She is always relaxed and hard working and always so cool under pressure. If you were to look at us she would be the cool and collected owl and I'm the chicken that just got it's head cut off. And even out of work she is just so sweet and we always have good laughs when we are together.

And SL and her boyfriend P, they are also from work. I know SL a lot better than I know P, and I talk to her a lot more too :P. They are nice to go out with once in a while because it's so casual and down to Earth. we could literally be doing nothing and still enjoy our time out together. When I'm out with them, I usually have my brother with me as well (so I don't feel like a third wheel :P).

Which leads me to my final group of friends... I think, which are my brothers friends. Both my brothers have mutual friends that they always go out and game with and these are the friends that I would assume are my brothers best friends. They are a group of 6 guys (brothers included) that I always feel comfortable with. Two of these friends are childhood friends I was talking about before and another one of them is too actually and the other one my brother (can't remember which one), met in high school. I like to go out with them sometimes, even though generally I end up being the only girl. But being with them is different than being with all my girlfriends because I grew up basically with only guy friends so sometimes I actually feel more at ease with them than I do with my girlfriends. It's also because with them I feel like I can insult them all I want and they still won't hate me, maybe except for one of them :P

Okay, so I know it's weird that I just presented all my friends in such an odd manner, but this is how I see my friends right now. They don't all fit into neat little groups and some of the groups to intersect. If this was a Venn Diagram it would just be a complete mess. I presented them this way because this is how I have to make plans with them. They are all somewhat connected, yet disconnected at the same time, like sometimes some of the groups can mix and other times it just gets weird. So plannings with limited time because of school or work is a pain in the butt sometimes, and half the time I feel like I'm paying way too much attention to one but not the others. And not everyone from all my friend groups like each other either, which only makes it so much more complicated. But I wouldn't want to lose any of these friend groups right now because, despite the pain in the ass of planning things with them, I still cherish the time I get to spend with them and they all contribute something different to my life, whether it's being there for me and listening to all my stupid problems, or letting me be myself, or guiding me through different parts of my life, or just people I can be irresponsible and childish with. They all bring something into my life that makes me still want to be their friend and keep in touch with them.

I know they all know me differently, because let's face it no matter how perfect we think we are, we're different in different situations. For example, I'm not the same at work, at home and at school. I'm not even the same with different types of people. But what matters is that no matter what side of me they see, they still accept and love me because at the end of the day, all those different sides of me are still me. and it's the people we find that love us for every part of us that we should always hold dear to us and hope to always have in our lives.

-J