Friends

Hey guys!

Yes, a procrastination post, what a surprise! So as the title suggest this is a post about friends. Now I know I've posted something similar to what I want this post to be about (but I'm too lazy to go an check if I have), if I did, it was a while ago, and my friend circle has changed ever so slightly. So I'm doing it again anyways.

So I know we all have friend circles and even within friend circles we can still divide people up into different categories, really, it just never ends. But I've noticed I have way too many friend circles, that in the end should really not be friend circles, but somehow they are and it just makes planning things so difficult and then I feel like a jerk because I'm hanging out with some people more than others. Anyways, back to the point at hand, I have way too many different groups of friends for me even to be able to think about, so I warn you that this post might be a little unflowy (not like they ever flow anyways).

So as we group we tend to lose some of the friends that we had when we were younger. We grow apart, move away, know different people, have disagreements and so on. But we always have the core group that we keep for a long time (hopefully forever). Now I don't know if I still have the core group form when I was really young because I have lost my best childhood friend because we started hanging out with different people and having different lifestyles, in fact i don't even see him anymore. I think it's been a solid 2-3 years since I've even seen him walk by. I also have a childhood friend that lives in Vancouver now and we barely talk to one another anymore because we haven't really been close since we were 5. From the friends I had from the age of 5, I still talk to two of them, and somehow I think it is due to the fact that my brothers are still really close to them (it doesn't help that I'm a girl :P). One of them does have a sister, but we've sort of grown apart as friends.

I feel like before I get into any more back stories of friends, I should introduce my close circle of friends. So as of the moment (because this could always change), my best friends would be W and ST. They are the ones I call/text first of anything and they are the ones I feel the closest too. Ironically, I feel like they are distant from me too because they both don't share things very openly and even though they both say I know them well, sometimes I feel like I barely know them. It's also funny that they are both VERY hard to get close to, and somehow I cracked them both! it's like I enjoy the challenge :P. Anyways, they are the ones I would go to if anything were to happen. I also have O, I'm not sure were to put her because we have times when we are pretty close and then times where we don't really talk (more because we don't go to the same school, so it's always hard to do things together). But I would probably not put her as a best friend, but more of a sister I guess, she's always there and no matter how long we spend without really talking we can still get along super well. And even though she's older than me, I can't help but feel like an older sis a lot of the time :P So those three are the ones I feel the closest to right now.

I also have my BB, who is also a really good friend, but I feel like we are growing pretty distant. I don't know if it's because we don't go to the same school anymore or something like that, but I also get the feeling that she is the one choosing to isolate herself. The thing it it isn't just with me, but with W and O as well. We were the 4 that were friends in high school and remained friends up until now. So it's strange to have one member kind of fall off without really knowing why.

From high school, I also have S, who isn't in Montreal right now, but is studying in Ottawa. We text once in a while, generally when we start texting one another we text for a few weeks and then we kind of fall off the grid again. Whenever she comes into town, I make sure to clear a day for her because she is nice to talk to and she is strongly opinionated in some ways and she isn't afraid to tell you what she thinks, which is often a  really good wake up call for me.

Then there are my current school friends, which yes also include ST and W. In this I also have LN, and ML. I'm a lot closer to LN than I am with ML. Consequently, the two of them are best friends. We all have classes together and we always have lunch together (this is ML, LN and I), so we talk quite frequently (mostly about boys and annoying people in our classes).

I also have AK that is a friend from school, but that I barely see around. I had met her in CEGEP and we've kept in touch since. I wouldn't consider us close, but I would consider her a good friend. We meet up for lunch or supper once in a while and we text each other too, but other than that we don't really see each other.

Then I have my work friends, I have CL and CT that I text often and talk to often. They are the ones I keep in contact with the most from work and the ones I see the most often. In the past few weeks though, the group has kind of been falling apart, with me talking to both of them, but from what I know, the two of them not really talking to each other very often.

From work I also have MD that I honestly wish I could see more of because when ever he is around I just feel so loose and unstressed. And he isn't afraid to tell me if there is something wrong with the way I am acting and he doesn't mind sitting down with me to talk about my problems for a few hours. He's honestly someone I think, that is just good for the soul. He's an amazing guy, and I feel bad that my first thought of him was that he was going to be an asshole (yes, I was stereotyping: Italian + good looking = douche). He turned out to be one of my most valued work friends though, like I feel like I could tell him anything and he won't judge me and he will try to understand my perspective. Although I talk to CL and CT more, I feel like he is the one that I am the closest to in terms of actually knowing the person.

I also have GW from work and she is just the person I look up to the most at work. To me, she is the perfect role model at work. She is always relaxed and hard working and always so cool under pressure. If you were to look at us she would be the cool and collected owl and I'm the chicken that just got it's head cut off. And even out of work she is just so sweet and we always have good laughs when we are together.

And SL and her boyfriend P, they are also from work. I know SL a lot better than I know P, and I talk to her a lot more too :P. They are nice to go out with once in a while because it's so casual and down to Earth. we could literally be doing nothing and still enjoy our time out together. When I'm out with them, I usually have my brother with me as well (so I don't feel like a third wheel :P).

Which leads me to my final group of friends... I think, which are my brothers friends. Both my brothers have mutual friends that they always go out and game with and these are the friends that I would assume are my brothers best friends. They are a group of 6 guys (brothers included) that I always feel comfortable with. Two of these friends are childhood friends I was talking about before and another one of them is too actually and the other one my brother (can't remember which one), met in high school. I like to go out with them sometimes, even though generally I end up being the only girl. But being with them is different than being with all my girlfriends because I grew up basically with only guy friends so sometimes I actually feel more at ease with them than I do with my girlfriends. It's also because with them I feel like I can insult them all I want and they still won't hate me, maybe except for one of them :P

Okay, so I know it's weird that I just presented all my friends in such an odd manner, but this is how I see my friends right now. They don't all fit into neat little groups and some of the groups to intersect. If this was a Venn Diagram it would just be a complete mess. I presented them this way because this is how I have to make plans with them. They are all somewhat connected, yet disconnected at the same time, like sometimes some of the groups can mix and other times it just gets weird. So plannings with limited time because of school or work is a pain in the butt sometimes, and half the time I feel like I'm paying way too much attention to one but not the others. And not everyone from all my friend groups like each other either, which only makes it so much more complicated. But I wouldn't want to lose any of these friend groups right now because, despite the pain in the ass of planning things with them, I still cherish the time I get to spend with them and they all contribute something different to my life, whether it's being there for me and listening to all my stupid problems, or letting me be myself, or guiding me through different parts of my life, or just people I can be irresponsible and childish with. They all bring something into my life that makes me still want to be their friend and keep in touch with them.

I know they all know me differently, because let's face it no matter how perfect we think we are, we're different in different situations. For example, I'm not the same at work, at home and at school. I'm not even the same with different types of people. But what matters is that no matter what side of me they see, they still accept and love me because at the end of the day, all those different sides of me are still me. and it's the people we find that love us for every part of us that we should always hold dear to us and hope to always have in our lives.

-J

Summer Plans (Update)

Hey guys!

So I realized that it is no longer summer and I should probably tell you how my summer plans came along. As many of you guys may know, I had to write a supplemental exam this summer, so it did put a huge bummer on all my plans. But let me tell you what I was able to accomplish from my list (if any at all). You can check out the list (not really a list) of things I wanted to do this summer here (x).

So yes, work was extremely hectic and to be honest it was way more than I signed up for. I basically never hd a day off. My days off were spent calling and texting people from work or solving problems for people. I worked insane hours (over 13 hours a day), more on fireworks. It averaged out to about 50 hours a week during the peak season. With studying and work, I barely had time for anything else, but here goes nothing at seeing what I did and didn't do this summer.

My plans for reading basically failed. I think I got through about 6 books? 6 and a half? or something like that. Basically i basically read anything this summer. So my list of to read books is basically at the same place as it was at the beginning of the summer, not to mention that there are more books I now want to read too... There's always winter break and spring break for that I guess :P

i actually got to hang out with my friends a lot this summer (more than I thought I would be able to), maybe that's why my grade on my exam was so bad. I was able to go out for supper and lunch quite a bit, I also got to go out for drinks a few times this summer. We ended up going to the wax museum, and the musical swings and the mosaic culture display at the Botanical Gardens. I didn't get to explore the city that much, but I had a lot of fun when I did go out with my friends.And clearly due to my supplemental exam, I wasn't able to go to Florida -.- Which is something I was actually really looking forward to :(

the house painting project went along, which delayed ALL my studying for a good 3 weeks because if I wasn't painting I was at work and all the furniture in my house was all over the place so it's hard to find a comfortable place to study. But I did get to reorganize my room-ish. I got new curtains and mirrors (which are still not set up) and I got to rearrange my room a little (I already liked the layout so there wasn't much to change).

And as far as my creative side went this summer, well it went nowhere. My creative touch will just have to wait until I have some free time from studying and wanting to shoot myself in the head for picking a life in science.

I also wanted to stay in shape this summer (I'm not sure if that's in my post from the beginning of summer, but I feel like I have mentioned it before). Work made me way to tired for that. I wanted to go for morning jobs and Zumba classes, but after working 15 hours the day before you just want to sleep when you have a chance. I did lose weight this summer though, a little less than I was hoping as a summer goal, but hey, it was all done without me actually working out, so I guess it's still an accomplishment

So yup, now you all know how my summer plans went. I kept thinking that my summer was pretty bad, but ow that I wrote everything out, my summer didn't seem that bad after all :P

-J

Frustration

Hey guys!

So I know it's been a long time since my last post (well not that long, but it feel like it's been a long time). I had a week off work and what a week it was. I was out almost everyday and it was just an amazing week. Unfortunately the week is definitely over cause obviously I had work today and well, the magic and happiness and happy-me is gone and replaced with stressed-out-never-happy-me again. But let's not dwell on the negatives.

My week was amazing, I got to meet up with everyone I wanted to meet up with and it was just fun and so carefree and relaxing even though I was always out and barely slept.

The thing I want to talk about today is not the amazing week however, it's WL. I don't know what he thinks and it's just so darn frustrating. I mean I have people telling me that he seems interested and I feel like he's interested, but then he goes and acts like he doesn't give a crap half the time and it is just so damn confusing. I asked him out to coffee on Tuesday and it was a really nice way to spend the afternoon. We got coffee and walked around the downtown area and we were basically talking about nothing. But it was a really easy going time. We both had plans after coffee, he told be when we first met up that he basically only had an hour with me so we made the best of it and the next thing you know it was an hour and a half later and we were still walking and talking about nothing. He ended up walking me to the bus stop to go to ST's house and he kept walking and stupid me got on the bus instead of deciding to walk with him since I was way early getting to ST's house anyways. We texted a little that night and it was nice, but the thing about WL is that he doesn't initiate conversations, in real life he would or h would do something that would make me start the convo, but by text it's a little harder I guess. Even I don't know what to say to him when I want to text him.

We met up last night with a group of people from work for vegan food, and he has been complaining since I invited him that we were having vegan food and in the end he ended up coming anyways, although he kept complaining and although I kept telling him not to come. He came and we ate and he basically called it the most expensive appetizer he ever had and then he called his friends to see where they were to see if they wanted to go and eat. Our group decided to go out for tea and he ended up coming anyways.

During the night he never really sat next to me and we never really talked, but at a point ST pointed out to me hat he kept looking at me but he wouldn't say anything. I had kind of noticed too, but after that I realized that he also didn't hold eye contact with me when I caught him looking. In the end we kept shifting seats and we sat next to each other for a while and it was nice cause we would both reposition ourselves once in a while to see each other better or to be closer to the other. And even though I was right next to him, NOTHING!

At the end of the night he was still complaining that we had a "hippie" night, but he said he had fun and when L mentioned that we should have more get together he looked at me an nodded and then we hugged. (Side note: second time I've ever hugged him ^.^).

I kind of texted him today and his replies could have been flirty, awkward or just plain creepy, but it was cute cause, you know I'm a girl and he was still texting me :P But it is funny cause I took it as WL being WL, but all my friends took it as being creepy and dirty... Guess I'm the most naive one out of the group :D

But ya, it's just frustrating cause sometimes I feel like he's interested but I'm never too sure, it's just so annoying cause I feel like I'm second guessing all the time and I feel like if he is interested he doesn't care enough to do something about it. I talked to a guy at work today and mentioned that I liked  guy and basically explained how WL acts around me and he told me that WL is interested but isn't sure how I feel and he might be afraid to get rejected. He explained how he was in those shoes once but he always avoided it by making sure the girl liked him for sure before making his move. So if that's the case, I either have to make it painfully obvious or I have to be a sitting duck :P I'm just afraid if I'm always texting him that he'll just find me annoying, cause he gets annoyed pretty quickly :P

ST also pointed out that although he kept complaining about last nights outing, he stuck by the whole time and she said she's pretty sure it wasn't to spend time with L or anyone else in the group. And it's true cause although he was against vegan he agreed to come before he knew who else was coming. But I just wish he would do something! I mean come on, if you really aren't interested you sure give me the wrong signal...

Wish me luck until I figure all this stuff out,

-J