Work Confusion

Hey Guys!

So I know, it's been forever since I've posted anything, and I'm sorry for that. I've been pretty busy with work and studying for my supplemental and trying to have somewhat of a social life. The summer is going by so quickly and in less than a month I'll be back at school and wishing I hadn't missed out on my summer. This little vicious circle just never ends does it? :(

Work has been stressful, and it's really hard to explain cause it's not like I hate it, in fact I still love it, but I'm just too overly stressed at work for my own good. I honestly love working for my boss and I like some of the people at work, and the people I do like I love working with them. But lately whenever I'm at work I tend to be very unhappy and sometimes for the smallest reasons. and my mood would fluctuate a million times during the day. If I was an outsider looking into my situation, I think I would tell myself to quit my job and just not worry about it. But what an outsider wouldn't understand is how much I love this job and how even if I quit, I'll never stop thinking about it or worrying about what goes on at work. It's like my unhealthy addiction.

My boss asked it I would be back next year, and I actually had a moment where I paused and was  thinking about it. I've been thinking about it for a while. I would want to get another job, something related to my field or something that will help me determine if I'm in the right field or not. But it's hard cause I have zero lab experience and no connections at all in the analytical research world. I should have gone into marketing research :P That's where all my connections are. I have to start looking around a lot harder to try to find an in into this world that I'm not even sure I want to be in (world being research world, that was not a suicidal thought). But back to the topic at hand, I told by boss that I would be back (cause that's what my heart and my family says) but I didn't promise how much I would be working next year. MD suggested that I sit down with my boss and tell him how I feel about all of this, but the truth is, I don't even know how I feel about it all. I'm so conflicted about so many of the things at work right now.

A lot of people have also seen both sides of me, there is "manager me" and there is "normal me" and people who are close to me are able to see a huge difference. Manager me is always stressed and grouchy and normal me is easy going, nice to get along with. It's starting to scare me that it's not only one person that see's it. I know I'm different at work and casually and I know that a lot of people at work just see me as manager me. I do think that there are a few people who do get to see me as me at work because I do have my moments of being weird a random like I am most of the time outside of work. It would be nice to have get togethers after the season with the people I am fond of, that way they'll get to know me for me and not for over-stressed me.

Let's hope the rest of the season will only get better,

-J