Breakdown

So yes, it finally happened. I finally had my breakdown. Honestly, I'm surprised it took me this long to breakdown. I've been so stressed all summer, what with my supplemental and with working so much and just with my coworkers being assholes a lot of the time. I haven't had a day off since I started the season and all the stress just finally piled up to be so high that it all just tumbled on me and I finally cracked. It wasn't pretty and it was not at a convenient time to have a manager break down either. I felt that something was off about an hour before I broke down. I wasn't feeling well and I was distracted by nothing the whole time. I wasn't being coherent to customers and then midrush I had my breakdown and I had to run to the backstore to try to calm myself down and that didn't help. I completely shut down, something I never wanted to happen at work. I always hopped by breakdown would happen one day after work when I was at home or something.

My boss asked me what was wrong and I think he felt like he was walking on eggshells the whole night after that cause I was pretty upset. I ended up taking an extended break to just sit and do nothing (and cry). L saw me and gave me a hug and consoled me for a while and he offered to take my shift the next day (which I took him up on in the end).

So I had yesterday off and I didn't realize how much I needed a real day off. I barely spoke to anyone from work and the only time I did was to joke around with them. I had my phone off for half of the day and I also just slept for most of the day. I know I was supposed to study for my exam, but I was just so tired and rundown. I think that's a very valid excuse! But don't worry, I ended up studying at night, but got distracted by work people. I'm still trying to fix the issues from last night.

To be honest, I think that work isn't going to help my blood pressure, at this point I don't think it's going to help with my health at all (although walking around all day is exercise). I really need to start balancing my stress a lot better cause I think all this stress will end up cutting my life short. Hopefully, I'll find a balance before my next breakdown or before things get any worse.

-J