Why are guys so difficult to understand?! I know we are too, but come on! We should all just sit down one day and discuss why one gender is more confusing than the other. It might be interesting...
So yes, back to my problems :P So yesterday (Thursday) WL was texting me while I was at work. It was a rainy day so I was at work all alone at first with my boss showing up and disappearing all the time. He kept me entertained during the day by texting me about random things. It was actually really cute and I was laughing a lot of the time. Today at work we laughed about the texts from the previous day and he was so talkative at work today! He was like Little Miss Chatterbox. It's always so easy going with him. He also shared some of his food with me during his break and I just kept taking, revenge from when he always took my food, revenge is sweet (and tasty). Maybe it's just be being me and over thinking, but lately I've also noticed that he likes to come stand next to me for no reason, it's not like we're really talking, but just while working, I would find myself standing next to him while we're both wiping down a counter or something. We've also been talking a lot ore and joking around a lot more than we have before. Unfortunately even though this might sound like progress, his last day of work is on Sunday :( So I'll probably never see him again (if I do, it would be rare).
So a good 20 of us went out after work today, and we were a huge group with a table that wasn't big enough. some of us were standing and others were sitting and I was sitting with my brother and R and WL was just standing behind me with his hand on my chair for a long time, all his usual friends were at the other end of the table but h stayed next to me the whole time. Then when a chair opened up he didn't want to sit (even though it was 2 seats away) and he stayed there. He finally got a chance to grab a chair and he put it right next to me and walked off to help a few other guys bring tables over to out group. My brother sat down on the chair that WL had put next to me , and WL gave him a dirty look. I'm sorry let me just sit here and freak out like a little girl for a minute... He looked upset that MY brother took the seat next to me! We also took a group photo and a guy was standing next to me and he ended up standing on the ledge behind me (rigth behind me) and this is probably too much info for a lot of you now, so if you don't want to know you can just skim this part, but every time I turned around my face was basically crotch level... I won't deny it was a little disturbing. After my brother took my seat he basically sat at the other end of the table. I ended up going on that end cause ST was there and after a little while he bolted to the other end of the table.
I went to dance with a bunch of people (he refused to join), and then we came back and a few of us decided to go and have shots. I honestly didn't expect him to join us and all of a sudden I turn around and he's walking behind me. We were talking at the bar and he was next to me the whole time and we were talking and we both paid for the shots together (for the little group that wanted shots) and once again he would lean over me to get his shot and then the salt. The L came and stop between us and offered me a drink and told me that I looked really good. And I saw WL back off a little and then L kept pushing the drink, WL kind of walked away. I refused the drink from L and headed back to the table with WL and a few other people and we sat near each other at the table. We talked for a little bit and then I ended up leaving a little after that cause my designated driver wanted to leave. I gave a hug to everyone at the table, except him :(. And then once again, cause he likes being a ninja, he randomly sit down on the chair that is right behind me. It took a while for everyone to say bye, we were after all 20 something people. So my brother and I continued to joke around with him an anther coworker and I put my hands on his shoulders and he held one of my hands for a little bit :)
Now, I completely understand that this might all be me over thinking, but I'm starting to think that he might be interested... I just wish my brother didn't have to be such a "good" brother and that L didn't hit on me, cause then I might have known for sure! ARGH! why does life have to be so complicated?!
Another sign that I might be over thinking everything is that he gets along really well with this other girl at work, and they live near one another so they take the bus home together and stuff and for all I know, they might be secretly dating or something :(
Why can't I just know for sure? I have to discuss this with people tomorrow, but until then, I'll just keep over thinking about everything
By the way, if this post doesn't make sense, it's cause yes, i did have a little something to drink. No, not enough to get tipsy. And yes, I have been up for 21 hours now. Anyways, I'm going to sleep now. Blog to you guys soon :)
-J
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Thursday, August 22, 2013
2 Weeks of Summer!
Hey guys!
So yes I am fully aware that it is 2AM and yes, I do have to get up 7:30 to get to work tomorrow. But I can't sleep and I think it' a good excuse to blog? Right?
I did my supplemental today, to be honest I think I could ave done better. I blanked on the exam (not fun) and I'm sure I doubted myself and messed up a bunch of things... It's done though and like ST keeps saying I can't do anything about it anymore. I just have to wait for the mark, I'll wait like a sitting duck (quack!). Right after my exam I met up with ST and LN for supper, but not before bumping into BD and get this we shopped for a bit and it was actually pretty fun. After supper I hung out with ST and a few of our coworkers and it was actually really fun and relaxing. It was a nice way to calm down from all the stress from the exam.
Since I'm going to be free for about a week before all hell breaks loose and school starts, I'm going to do as much as I can next week, since I'm off from work too. I already have plans set out for the rest of this week (mostly work) and the week after.
Friday night a bunch of us (most of us) from work are going to go to a bar after work. It should be fun cause the last few times I went out to a bar we had a lot of fun (but it seems that it always ends up with stories about me). It should be fun. Half of us are going from work and the other (lucky) half are coming from home so there will be a huge difference in appearance and smells between the two groups. I'll keep you guy posted if anything happens that night that is blog worthy, or you know, I'll blog anyways just for the fun of it.
Next week, I have Botanical Gardens with ST and W, Brunch with W, O, and maybe BB and then probably lunch or supper with AK. I would like to get a few more things going there and get the most of what I can get from my 'summer'. When life gives you lemons...
I also earned today that this is WL's last week. How did I not know that!? I'll miss his adorableness and smile and our harmless flirting. I know a lot of you are thinking that I should just do something about it, but I don't know, I just don't want to. I get it, I'll never know until I do something and what if he has the same doubts as you and blah blah, but we don't go to the same school and I don't think I'll have time for school, work, a relationship, a social life and whatever else is going to be thrown my way. If you love something set it free and if it comes back it was meant to be. And I know guys don't have to do everything, girl can do it too. But like, that doesn't mean I have to do something, I'm perfectly fine with my guys being assertive and doing something for themselves. I am assertive enough at work, I don't have to be off the clock.
So yup, I've basically updated you guys enough for a 2AM post. And I should really be getting to bed cause I am going to be butt tired tomorrow morning. Hope you guys are up to be served by a zombie!
XOXO Gossi... opps wrong blog :P
-J
So yes I am fully aware that it is 2AM and yes, I do have to get up 7:30 to get to work tomorrow. But I can't sleep and I think it' a good excuse to blog? Right?
I did my supplemental today, to be honest I think I could ave done better. I blanked on the exam (not fun) and I'm sure I doubted myself and messed up a bunch of things... It's done though and like ST keeps saying I can't do anything about it anymore. I just have to wait for the mark, I'll wait like a sitting duck (quack!). Right after my exam I met up with ST and LN for supper, but not before bumping into BD and get this we shopped for a bit and it was actually pretty fun. After supper I hung out with ST and a few of our coworkers and it was actually really fun and relaxing. It was a nice way to calm down from all the stress from the exam.
Since I'm going to be free for about a week before all hell breaks loose and school starts, I'm going to do as much as I can next week, since I'm off from work too. I already have plans set out for the rest of this week (mostly work) and the week after.
Friday night a bunch of us (most of us) from work are going to go to a bar after work. It should be fun cause the last few times I went out to a bar we had a lot of fun (but it seems that it always ends up with stories about me). It should be fun. Half of us are going from work and the other (lucky) half are coming from home so there will be a huge difference in appearance and smells between the two groups. I'll keep you guy posted if anything happens that night that is blog worthy, or you know, I'll blog anyways just for the fun of it.
Next week, I have Botanical Gardens with ST and W, Brunch with W, O, and maybe BB and then probably lunch or supper with AK. I would like to get a few more things going there and get the most of what I can get from my 'summer'. When life gives you lemons...
I also earned today that this is WL's last week. How did I not know that!? I'll miss his adorableness and smile and our harmless flirting. I know a lot of you are thinking that I should just do something about it, but I don't know, I just don't want to. I get it, I'll never know until I do something and what if he has the same doubts as you and blah blah, but we don't go to the same school and I don't think I'll have time for school, work, a relationship, a social life and whatever else is going to be thrown my way. If you love something set it free and if it comes back it was meant to be. And I know guys don't have to do everything, girl can do it too. But like, that doesn't mean I have to do something, I'm perfectly fine with my guys being assertive and doing something for themselves. I am assertive enough at work, I don't have to be off the clock.
So yup, I've basically updated you guys enough for a 2AM post. And I should really be getting to bed cause I am going to be butt tired tomorrow morning. Hope you guys are up to be served by a zombie!
XOXO Gossi... opps wrong blog :P
-J
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Breakdown
So yes, it finally happened. I finally had my breakdown. Honestly, I'm surprised it took me this long to breakdown. I've been so stressed all summer, what with my supplemental and with working so much and just with my coworkers being assholes a lot of the time. I haven't had a day off since I started the season and all the stress just finally piled up to be so high that it all just tumbled on me and I finally cracked. It wasn't pretty and it was not at a convenient time to have a manager break down either. I felt that something was off about an hour before I broke down. I wasn't feeling well and I was distracted by nothing the whole time. I wasn't being coherent to customers and then midrush I had my breakdown and I had to run to the backstore to try to calm myself down and that didn't help. I completely shut down, something I never wanted to happen at work. I always hopped by breakdown would happen one day after work when I was at home or something.
My boss asked me what was wrong and I think he felt like he was walking on eggshells the whole night after that cause I was pretty upset. I ended up taking an extended break to just sit and do nothing (and cry). L saw me and gave me a hug and consoled me for a while and he offered to take my shift the next day (which I took him up on in the end).
So I had yesterday off and I didn't realize how much I needed a real day off. I barely spoke to anyone from work and the only time I did was to joke around with them. I had my phone off for half of the day and I also just slept for most of the day. I know I was supposed to study for my exam, but I was just so tired and rundown. I think that's a very valid excuse! But don't worry, I ended up studying at night, but got distracted by work people. I'm still trying to fix the issues from last night.
To be honest, I think that work isn't going to help my blood pressure, at this point I don't think it's going to help with my health at all (although walking around all day is exercise). I really need to start balancing my stress a lot better cause I think all this stress will end up cutting my life short. Hopefully, I'll find a balance before my next breakdown or before things get any worse.
-J
My boss asked me what was wrong and I think he felt like he was walking on eggshells the whole night after that cause I was pretty upset. I ended up taking an extended break to just sit and do nothing (and cry). L saw me and gave me a hug and consoled me for a while and he offered to take my shift the next day (which I took him up on in the end).
So I had yesterday off and I didn't realize how much I needed a real day off. I barely spoke to anyone from work and the only time I did was to joke around with them. I had my phone off for half of the day and I also just slept for most of the day. I know I was supposed to study for my exam, but I was just so tired and rundown. I think that's a very valid excuse! But don't worry, I ended up studying at night, but got distracted by work people. I'm still trying to fix the issues from last night.
To be honest, I think that work isn't going to help my blood pressure, at this point I don't think it's going to help with my health at all (although walking around all day is exercise). I really need to start balancing my stress a lot better cause I think all this stress will end up cutting my life short. Hopefully, I'll find a balance before my next breakdown or before things get any worse.
-J
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Work Appreciation
I forgot to mention this on my previous post, but according to MD my boss really appreciates all the work that I put into work. He knows I'm working on my days off and he knows that I'm always trying to fix problems no matter how bug and he knows how much I care about everything. But sometimes (almost always) I just feel so under appreciated by my boss. It's not like he never says thank you or anything, but there is no praising and even though I told ST that that is just how my boss works, it just really sucks sometimes. I know my boss appreciates me, and that should be enough on it's own right? But it just sucks that he doesn't show it. He shows appreciation in subtle ways, like helping me out all the time and letting me get my way with certain aspect of work and giving me freedom and always doing me favors. I know likes me because when he knows something is wrong he inquires and depending on the problem, he will try to help me figure out a solution to it even if it is unwork related. At the end of the day I know my boss cares, but I just feel like he doesn't give a crap half the time.
But according to MD, my boss really cares and he was telling him how much he appreciates me and how he could do more for me and he was talking about compensating me at some point. But I truly doubt that's going to happen MD keeps telling me to have a chat with my boss and ask for a compensation or a raise. And deep down inside I feel like I should, but then again, I'm not working for my boss for money or for a compensation. I'm working for him because I want to work for him. As much as a complain about work and him, I love working for him. He's a really cool and nice guy when it comes down to it. I know a lot of people don't see him that way, but then again a lot of my co-workers just have a employer/employee relationship with him.To be honest, I think at this point I would be willing to work for him as long as he still wants me around (which will probable be forever... I'll be like RD that's been around for 7 years now (not always under the same boss though)).
Even though I don't think I'll get compensated, I'm curious as to what type of compensation it will be. MD thinks it will come in the form of a huge bonus or something, but I really don't know. I don't see my boss compensating anyone at work, let alone me.
I will admit that a compensation in any form would be amazing, cause even though I know my boss appreciates me, it is nice to have it reinforced once in a while.
-J
But according to MD, my boss really cares and he was telling him how much he appreciates me and how he could do more for me and he was talking about compensating me at some point. But I truly doubt that's going to happen MD keeps telling me to have a chat with my boss and ask for a compensation or a raise. And deep down inside I feel like I should, but then again, I'm not working for my boss for money or for a compensation. I'm working for him because I want to work for him. As much as a complain about work and him, I love working for him. He's a really cool and nice guy when it comes down to it. I know a lot of people don't see him that way, but then again a lot of my co-workers just have a employer/employee relationship with him.To be honest, I think at this point I would be willing to work for him as long as he still wants me around (which will probable be forever... I'll be like RD that's been around for 7 years now (not always under the same boss though)).
Even though I don't think I'll get compensated, I'm curious as to what type of compensation it will be. MD thinks it will come in the form of a huge bonus or something, but I really don't know. I don't see my boss compensating anyone at work, let alone me.
I will admit that a compensation in any form would be amazing, cause even though I know my boss appreciates me, it is nice to have it reinforced once in a while.
-J
Work Confusion
Hey Guys!
So I know, it's been forever since I've posted anything, and I'm sorry for that. I've been pretty busy with work and studying for my supplemental and trying to have somewhat of a social life. The summer is going by so quickly and in less than a month I'll be back at school and wishing I hadn't missed out on my summer. This little vicious circle just never ends does it? :(
Work has been stressful, and it's really hard to explain cause it's not like I hate it, in fact I still love it, but I'm just too overly stressed at work for my own good. I honestly love working for my boss and I like some of the people at work, and the people I do like I love working with them. But lately whenever I'm at work I tend to be very unhappy and sometimes for the smallest reasons. and my mood would fluctuate a million times during the day. If I was an outsider looking into my situation, I think I would tell myself to quit my job and just not worry about it. But what an outsider wouldn't understand is how much I love this job and how even if I quit, I'll never stop thinking about it or worrying about what goes on at work. It's like my unhealthy addiction.
My boss asked it I would be back next year, and I actually had a moment where I paused and was thinking about it. I've been thinking about it for a while. I would want to get another job, something related to my field or something that will help me determine if I'm in the right field or not. But it's hard cause I have zero lab experience and no connections at all in the analytical research world. I should have gone into marketing research :P That's where all my connections are. I have to start looking around a lot harder to try to find an in into this world that I'm not even sure I want to be in (world being research world, that was not a suicidal thought). But back to the topic at hand, I told by boss that I would be back (cause that's what my heart and my family says) but I didn't promise how much I would be working next year. MD suggested that I sit down with my boss and tell him how I feel about all of this, but the truth is, I don't even know how I feel about it all. I'm so conflicted about so many of the things at work right now.
A lot of people have also seen both sides of me, there is "manager me" and there is "normal me" and people who are close to me are able to see a huge difference. Manager me is always stressed and grouchy and normal me is easy going, nice to get along with. It's starting to scare me that it's not only one person that see's it. I know I'm different at work and casually and I know that a lot of people at work just see me as manager me. I do think that there are a few people who do get to see me as me at work because I do have my moments of being weird a random like I am most of the time outside of work. It would be nice to have get togethers after the season with the people I am fond of, that way they'll get to know me for me and not for over-stressed me.
Let's hope the rest of the season will only get better,
-J
So I know, it's been forever since I've posted anything, and I'm sorry for that. I've been pretty busy with work and studying for my supplemental and trying to have somewhat of a social life. The summer is going by so quickly and in less than a month I'll be back at school and wishing I hadn't missed out on my summer. This little vicious circle just never ends does it? :(
Work has been stressful, and it's really hard to explain cause it's not like I hate it, in fact I still love it, but I'm just too overly stressed at work for my own good. I honestly love working for my boss and I like some of the people at work, and the people I do like I love working with them. But lately whenever I'm at work I tend to be very unhappy and sometimes for the smallest reasons. and my mood would fluctuate a million times during the day. If I was an outsider looking into my situation, I think I would tell myself to quit my job and just not worry about it. But what an outsider wouldn't understand is how much I love this job and how even if I quit, I'll never stop thinking about it or worrying about what goes on at work. It's like my unhealthy addiction.
My boss asked it I would be back next year, and I actually had a moment where I paused and was thinking about it. I've been thinking about it for a while. I would want to get another job, something related to my field or something that will help me determine if I'm in the right field or not. But it's hard cause I have zero lab experience and no connections at all in the analytical research world. I should have gone into marketing research :P That's where all my connections are. I have to start looking around a lot harder to try to find an in into this world that I'm not even sure I want to be in (world being research world, that was not a suicidal thought). But back to the topic at hand, I told by boss that I would be back (cause that's what my heart and my family says) but I didn't promise how much I would be working next year. MD suggested that I sit down with my boss and tell him how I feel about all of this, but the truth is, I don't even know how I feel about it all. I'm so conflicted about so many of the things at work right now.
A lot of people have also seen both sides of me, there is "manager me" and there is "normal me" and people who are close to me are able to see a huge difference. Manager me is always stressed and grouchy and normal me is easy going, nice to get along with. It's starting to scare me that it's not only one person that see's it. I know I'm different at work and casually and I know that a lot of people at work just see me as manager me. I do think that there are a few people who do get to see me as me at work because I do have my moments of being weird a random like I am most of the time outside of work. It would be nice to have get togethers after the season with the people I am fond of, that way they'll get to know me for me and not for over-stressed me.
Let's hope the rest of the season will only get better,
-J
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