Hey guys!
Today I come with bad news for those who were with me on the H train. I confessed today! I told him I liked him, and as I thought, he doesn't feel the same way. But even though he doesn't and I'm kinda bummed, I'm kinda happy at the same time. This way I have him forever in a sense, because we'll always be friends. And at the end of the day, I would rather have in in my life, rather than him not be there at all. And at the same time, coming out and telling him makes me not have to ask myself what if later on.
-J
Friday, March 30, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
A Shoulder to Lean On
You know when you have a good friend? And you know that no matter what, they have a shoulder for you to cry on or lean on? Well, today I found one, well, I always knew it was there for me, but I realized today that I like this shoulder A LOT :P. It was comfy, like a pillow, and fit like a glove (does that make sense when I'm referring to a shoulder?) But anyways, yes, I found a shoulder to lean on. This shoulder belongs to H, now some of you guys may be rolling your eyes, and going of course it's him you doofus! You talk about him all the time! But remember I was having my doubts with him. I'm never sure if we're both in each others friend zones, or we might actually have something going on, and once again, I am kind of hopeless when it comes to guys. But today, I felt very comfortable leaning my head on his shoulders. I would usually feel awkward doing it, but it really didn't, it actually felt very natural to me. The thing is I've thought of doing this to people in the past, H, AA and maybe two others in my whole entire life. With AA it was just cause we were in class and I was tired, and he was sitting next to me, and it was 8AM and you know zzz... The same went for the other two guys. But with H, I've thought of it pretty often, but I've never done it till today. He started putting his head on my shoulder first, and then I did it. We just sat there like that, my head on his shoulder, his head on my head. And we were in public, at our volunteer thing. But it felt so natural, I have no other way of describing it, I don't know if it was awkward for him, but to me, it felt right. It wasn't awkward, it wasn't weird, I didn't feel like I shouldn't be doing it, it was just right. I really have no other way of describing it.
And ST just told me when we got home that she thought we looked cute together and that she thinks we would make a cute couple. This of course made me super happy, so thank you ST!
The only thing I hate though it that sometimes I feel like we have something, then I feel like it's not there the next day, but then I still enjoy my time being spent with him. And I know I said I would be okay if he dated someone else as long as we were friends, or at least I think I said that. I just realized today that I'm not. In no way would I want to see him with another girl. I know it's selfish of me, because he should be happy, but I know that I wouldn't be able to handle it. It would be too much for me. I realized this when we were with other girls, and seeing him with them made me jealous, it wasn't as bad before, but today, it just really hit home. And some of you may be thinking, but of course, after your whole head on his shoulder thing, you should feel jealous, but this happened before that. Usually I let it slide, but today I wasn't able to let it slide, it just really really bugged me.
This whole thing is just getting so complicated in my head, and I seriously wish I could just tell him how I feel, but I still don't feel ready, and at the same time, I don't know when the right time would be...
-J
And ST just told me when we got home that she thought we looked cute together and that she thinks we would make a cute couple. This of course made me super happy, so thank you ST!
The only thing I hate though it that sometimes I feel like we have something, then I feel like it's not there the next day, but then I still enjoy my time being spent with him. And I know I said I would be okay if he dated someone else as long as we were friends, or at least I think I said that. I just realized today that I'm not. In no way would I want to see him with another girl. I know it's selfish of me, because he should be happy, but I know that I wouldn't be able to handle it. It would be too much for me. I realized this when we were with other girls, and seeing him with them made me jealous, it wasn't as bad before, but today, it just really hit home. And some of you may be thinking, but of course, after your whole head on his shoulder thing, you should feel jealous, but this happened before that. Usually I let it slide, but today I wasn't able to let it slide, it just really really bugged me.
This whole thing is just getting so complicated in my head, and I seriously wish I could just tell him how I feel, but I still don't feel ready, and at the same time, I don't know when the right time would be...
-J
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Why Does Everyone Assume I Like SB?
I would really want to know why people think I like SB! Someone told me it's because I mention him a lot, but the thing is I talk about H way more. At first, I thought it was something stereotypical, like "Asians only like Asians" or something, but when even an Asian thinks it? I don't know... and when they are the 6th person to think the same thing in such a short span of time... something is definitely up.
And the thing is, I don't know what people see when they see us together, cause the thing is, we are almost never EVER together, but as mentioned before in a previous post, for two people who are generally shy around strangers, we get along very well for two people who barely know each other. But let me give you the background on how we generally act around each other, and you can be the judge of it.
When we first met, it was generally always saying "hi" to one another, and I would have group studies with him and H, and we would talk on Skype a lot, but the conversations would be about nothing, and they were more about school work than anything, but I found it easy to get along with him. And I guess he did too, because H told me that it took SB a while to warm up to him, but he was surprised at how quickly SB and I became friends. But we always got along pretty well form the start. Then one day, we just started making fun of one another. This started at the end of the semester, so about 2 mounts after we met, and then by my birthday party a month later, we had our nicknames for one another. After that, we always just made fun of one another, and I started doing what I only do to guys I'm super close with, I started to punch him for no apparent reason. Now this might sound weird, but I actually only punch guys I'm super comfortable with, I would hug all my guy friends, but punching is something else, I don't know, I don't do it on purpose, but it's just a reflex I've noticed. But I started to punch him for no reason.
We both also volunteer for the same thing at school, along with H, ST and AK, another one of my friends from school. Today there was four of us, SB, H, a friend named AK, and me. AK is a girl, and it just happened that we were sitting, girls on one side of the table, boys on the other. SB and I kind went to an extreme today. At first we were all insulting each other the whole day, calling each other names and joking around. And when AK left, I left my phone int he hands of SB ,unlocked, which is something I wouldn't do, EVER, and walked with AK to the metro. After I came back, he came to sit next to me, even though he had the most comfortable chair in the room. Then, I started to punch him, and he started to punch back, something he's never done before, and after about 10 minutes, all we did was hit and punch one another. And at a point he kept hitting my thighs, and after that we just got worse and worse, we started to pinch and poke, and slap one another. I think it was to the point that H was about to kick us out, if we weren't to fun to watch. But we just kept at it, even after H, left on an assignment, up until he had to get to class. Then I walked SB to class, said "hi" to W, and BB, and left for the day.
But I believe that if I were to watch myself and SB, from a thirst person perspective, I would believe that there was something going on between the two of us...
And I also gave H, his birthday present today, and he liked it! :D Gave me a huge hug and thanked me for it. And I think I may have made him jealous today. We were doing an errand for our volunteering today, and on the way I saw one of my old friends, KC, I haven't actually seen him for over a month, and even when we do, we always just say "hi", and one of us is rushing to class. But today, he was doing his volunteering or work, I'm never sure which, and I was running my errand. My errand required his help, so we were catching up. I introduced H to him and they exchanged a few words, then KC and I were talking about how we had to meet up, because we always said we would, but never actually ended up doing it. Then when we were done, we exchanged phone numbers and promised to text one another. I saw this look on H's face that I've never seen before, it kind of seemed like jealousy. And then he tried to play it off, saying how he liked KC's phone because it was his favorite color. But that look I saw on his face, it was something new, and the only way I can describe it is jealousy. But I may be assuming things. But if me exchanging numbers with a guy does bug him, then I may be on the right track with H to some degree.
Well, what do you guys think about SB or even my H situation?
-J
And the thing is, I don't know what people see when they see us together, cause the thing is, we are almost never EVER together, but as mentioned before in a previous post, for two people who are generally shy around strangers, we get along very well for two people who barely know each other. But let me give you the background on how we generally act around each other, and you can be the judge of it.
When we first met, it was generally always saying "hi" to one another, and I would have group studies with him and H, and we would talk on Skype a lot, but the conversations would be about nothing, and they were more about school work than anything, but I found it easy to get along with him. And I guess he did too, because H told me that it took SB a while to warm up to him, but he was surprised at how quickly SB and I became friends. But we always got along pretty well form the start. Then one day, we just started making fun of one another. This started at the end of the semester, so about 2 mounts after we met, and then by my birthday party a month later, we had our nicknames for one another. After that, we always just made fun of one another, and I started doing what I only do to guys I'm super close with, I started to punch him for no apparent reason. Now this might sound weird, but I actually only punch guys I'm super comfortable with, I would hug all my guy friends, but punching is something else, I don't know, I don't do it on purpose, but it's just a reflex I've noticed. But I started to punch him for no reason.
We both also volunteer for the same thing at school, along with H, ST and AK, another one of my friends from school. Today there was four of us, SB, H, a friend named AK, and me. AK is a girl, and it just happened that we were sitting, girls on one side of the table, boys on the other. SB and I kind went to an extreme today. At first we were all insulting each other the whole day, calling each other names and joking around. And when AK left, I left my phone int he hands of SB ,unlocked, which is something I wouldn't do, EVER, and walked with AK to the metro. After I came back, he came to sit next to me, even though he had the most comfortable chair in the room. Then, I started to punch him, and he started to punch back, something he's never done before, and after about 10 minutes, all we did was hit and punch one another. And at a point he kept hitting my thighs, and after that we just got worse and worse, we started to pinch and poke, and slap one another. I think it was to the point that H was about to kick us out, if we weren't to fun to watch. But we just kept at it, even after H, left on an assignment, up until he had to get to class. Then I walked SB to class, said "hi" to W, and BB, and left for the day.
But I believe that if I were to watch myself and SB, from a thirst person perspective, I would believe that there was something going on between the two of us...
And I also gave H, his birthday present today, and he liked it! :D Gave me a huge hug and thanked me for it. And I think I may have made him jealous today. We were doing an errand for our volunteering today, and on the way I saw one of my old friends, KC, I haven't actually seen him for over a month, and even when we do, we always just say "hi", and one of us is rushing to class. But today, he was doing his volunteering or work, I'm never sure which, and I was running my errand. My errand required his help, so we were catching up. I introduced H to him and they exchanged a few words, then KC and I were talking about how we had to meet up, because we always said we would, but never actually ended up doing it. Then when we were done, we exchanged phone numbers and promised to text one another. I saw this look on H's face that I've never seen before, it kind of seemed like jealousy. And then he tried to play it off, saying how he liked KC's phone because it was his favorite color. But that look I saw on his face, it was something new, and the only way I can describe it is jealousy. But I may be assuming things. But if me exchanging numbers with a guy does bug him, then I may be on the right track with H to some degree.
Well, what do you guys think about SB or even my H situation?
-J
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Update
Hey guys!
Sorry, I know I've been AWOL for a while, but nothing eventful has happened recently. It's march break, sorry, "reading week", because we're all supposed to be reading and doing homework and studying and such. Ya, like that happens. Most of my week has been spent sleeping in and going out. But yes, it's spring break, which means I don't get to see H much. He was supposed to go out of town, but in the end he ended up staying in town. So that's somewhat of a yay. But we don't talk much, and we don't have any plans to hang out cause we both have homework and we have a test next week. I try to talk to him, but I feel like I'm just being annoying, although I know he doesn't think of it that way... But I still feel bad if I bug him everyday with trivial things. But then when I don't talk to him, I can't focus on other things because I keep thinking about him. Who knew liking someone can be such a pain in the a** right? But another reason I don't talk to him is because of my λ tests. I want to see if he wants to talk to me, not just because I talk to him first, but because he actually wants to talk to me about something. I've noticed that recently I've been the one to start conversations. But sometimes it's just hard not to talk to him for too long. I feel like it's just something I'm so used to and without a conversation a few times a week, something's missing. It's hard to describe the feeling, all I know is that I miss him a lot.
Now, it was his birthday a little while ago, and I didn't see him on his birthday. But I do have a little present for him, it's not much, original but a little corny at the same time. And I'm debating on whether I should give it to him or not. Now, seeing as we are friends, I'm guessing you don't see the problem, butt he things is I don't usually give presents to guys even though it's their birthday. and at the same time it's H, I know he won't throw the present out or anything. He's too nice for that. But I'm, for the lack of a better word, shy. So my question is: Should I give him the present or not? ST tells me I should, because I spent my time hand making it, but tell me what you guys think...
-J
Sorry, I know I've been AWOL for a while, but nothing eventful has happened recently. It's march break, sorry, "reading week", because we're all supposed to be reading and doing homework and studying and such. Ya, like that happens. Most of my week has been spent sleeping in and going out. But yes, it's spring break, which means I don't get to see H much. He was supposed to go out of town, but in the end he ended up staying in town. So that's somewhat of a yay. But we don't talk much, and we don't have any plans to hang out cause we both have homework and we have a test next week. I try to talk to him, but I feel like I'm just being annoying, although I know he doesn't think of it that way... But I still feel bad if I bug him everyday with trivial things. But then when I don't talk to him, I can't focus on other things because I keep thinking about him. Who knew liking someone can be such a pain in the a** right? But another reason I don't talk to him is because of my λ tests. I want to see if he wants to talk to me, not just because I talk to him first, but because he actually wants to talk to me about something. I've noticed that recently I've been the one to start conversations. But sometimes it's just hard not to talk to him for too long. I feel like it's just something I'm so used to and without a conversation a few times a week, something's missing. It's hard to describe the feeling, all I know is that I miss him a lot.
Now, it was his birthday a little while ago, and I didn't see him on his birthday. But I do have a little present for him, it's not much, original but a little corny at the same time. And I'm debating on whether I should give it to him or not. Now, seeing as we are friends, I'm guessing you don't see the problem, butt he things is I don't usually give presents to guys even though it's their birthday. and at the same time it's H, I know he won't throw the present out or anything. He's too nice for that. But I'm, for the lack of a better word, shy. So my question is: Should I give him the present or not? ST tells me I should, because I spent my time hand making it, but tell me what you guys think...
-J
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Won't Give Up Yet!
Hey guys!
Sorry for my last post, I know it was a little depressing, but what can I say, I was in a bummed mood yesterday, although I shouldn't have been because I got very exciting news yesterday! I made it into my first choice university pick! I'm so excited about it! But I was also bummed yesterday. I talked it out with ST, so I'm good now. And just so I get this out, I am not giving up on H, too many people have said they see something between us for me to give up.
So I'm just going to start by saying that ST knew who I liked without me telling her... she is one good stalker (running joke between us). But she knew and told me that we have great chemistry, and that when we are both around she feels like a third wheel. I don't think we are that intimate around her as to exclude her from our conversations or make her feel uncomfortable. But then again I've had other friends tell me that we are extremely close. So maybe I am too deep int he friend zone, but whatever the case, we definitely have something, and right now I'm okay even if we just end up being friends for ever. I just want to keep him in my life. There is no way I'm going to let what happened with U, repeat itself with H.
But I'm not going to give up as long as I still feel special around him, and as long as he's single :P even if he were dating someone, I would be by his side, being his friend. Sad thought, but I would have been through worse.
Wish me luck!
-J
Sorry for my last post, I know it was a little depressing, but what can I say, I was in a bummed mood yesterday, although I shouldn't have been because I got very exciting news yesterday! I made it into my first choice university pick! I'm so excited about it! But I was also bummed yesterday. I talked it out with ST, so I'm good now. And just so I get this out, I am not giving up on H, too many people have said they see something between us for me to give up.
So I'm just going to start by saying that ST knew who I liked without me telling her... she is one good stalker (running joke between us). But she knew and told me that we have great chemistry, and that when we are both around she feels like a third wheel. I don't think we are that intimate around her as to exclude her from our conversations or make her feel uncomfortable. But then again I've had other friends tell me that we are extremely close. So maybe I am too deep int he friend zone, but whatever the case, we definitely have something, and right now I'm okay even if we just end up being friends for ever. I just want to keep him in my life. There is no way I'm going to let what happened with U, repeat itself with H.
But I'm not going to give up as long as I still feel special around him, and as long as he's single :P even if he were dating someone, I would be by his side, being his friend. Sad thought, but I would have been through worse.
Wish me luck!
-J
Friday, March 9, 2012
Maybe It's Time to Let Go...
So lately I've been talking to a few friends about H. I've been getting mixed opinions about or "relationship" for a lack of a better word. The thing is, I'm still as confused as ever about this, and I have no idea what to do.I mean, I want to tell him, but at the same time I don't want things to get weird between us if he doesn't feel the same way. I really don't see us going out, it's a sad thought, but it's true. The thing is, I do wish we can go out, cause a few people have said that we look very cute together, and the thing is we do totally click. But as O pointed out o me a while back, we may be too deep in the friend zone to do anything about it. I do have people telling me that they could see us going out, and even people I don't talk to much about guys. They say that they see some chemistry between us and that we are very cute around one another. We do get along and we like to joke around a lot, and the other day he kept hugging me randomly, but that may just he H, or the lack of blood due to blood donation. But it was nice, but I can't help notice that we haven't been talking as much lately, I feel like we are slowly drifting apart, but it's something so sudden. And if we are, I'm really not ready to let him go yet. When I see him with other girls, I get jealous, I admit it, I always wish the girl he was with was me. I just can't help my heart.
And no matter how much I tell myself we won't be together, I can't help but feel so special around him, and hope that we might actually work out.
-J
And no matter how much I tell myself we won't be together, I can't help but feel so special around him, and hope that we might actually work out.
-J
Sunday, March 4, 2012
The Sun Shines Brigther When...
It's amazing how no matter how bad your day seems, someone is able to make it all better. And it's not just anyone, it's always someone close to your heart. You're day can be going horrible, homework and assignments due left and right, university applications taking forever to get back to you, your teacher was a pain in the ass, whatever it might be. There are always certain people that know how to make you smile no matter how you feel. And if you're already smiling, they know how to make your smile bigger. And I believe that these are the people you love the most, the people you cherish the most. Because you know that no matter what they are there for you. And these are the people that no matter how long you guys don't talk, once you see each other, there is a nonstop conversation ahead of you. They are the people you run to first when you have exciting news or something is wrong. they are also the ones that will truly care about what you have to say. They are the ones that are irreplaceable in your life, even after years of not seeing each other.
They can make the darkest days seem bright, the most boring days seem interesting, the saddest days happier, and your happier days even better. The sun just seems to shine brighter when these people are around.
This just crossed my mind cause I have found a few people like this :) and I'm glad to have you guys in my life.
-J
They can make the darkest days seem bright, the most boring days seem interesting, the saddest days happier, and your happier days even better. The sun just seems to shine brighter when these people are around.
This just crossed my mind cause I have found a few people like this :) and I'm glad to have you guys in my life.
-J
Friday, March 2, 2012
Habit is a Pain in the A**
I've recently noticed that when we get into the habit of doing something, it soon becomes a pain. I'm not saying that getting into the habit of excising and eating healthy or anything like that is a bad thing. drugs are a whole other issue, but that's not what this post is about either. I'm talking about when you're do used to doing something, and then all of a sudden it's gone. Right now I'm talking about people, like when you're used to talking to someone everyday, and all of the sudden it's like they dropped off the map completely, no more calls, no more texts, no more face to face time. On one hand you realized is how important someone is to you. But on the other, you feel like there is something missing. Like there is a hole you have to fill, some void, even if you are doing the same things everyday, just that contact with the person(s), the day is just not the same when you don't hear from them.
I'm just posting this because I've been thinking of a few people I used to talk to, and now don;t hear from anymore. And someone else as well. I'll take the chance to say I miss you ♥.
-J
I'm just posting this because I've been thinking of a few people I used to talk to, and now don;t hear from anymore. And someone else as well. I'll take the chance to say I miss you ♥.
-J
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