Hey guys!
So I've been looking back at the past 3-4 years, and I've come to realize how much I've grown. I know I have a lot more growing to do, considering that I'm just 20, but I've changed a lot more than I thought I did in the past few years. Not only did my face look like I lost some baby fat, I also look like I've slimmed down a little. Now I know there is a lot more fat to burn, I know I don't look as bloated as I used to be. I was looking at my old employee passes and I noticed that I seemed to have lost weight every year, always a good sign, although cameras are known to play tricks (but the camera usually adds 10 lbs, so maybe I am loosing weight? :P) All kidding aside, I also feel a lot better about my body image now than I did back then. I can still work on that, admittedly A LOT, but it's better than it used to. My clothes are no longer just tshirts and jeans, although they are still my comfy outfit choice. I've also learned what type of clothes look better on by body type compared to others. So in the past few years my physical image has changed a lot.
I've also grown a lot on the inside as well. I've gained a lot more confidence than I give myself. I mean you tell me right out of High School that I would be a manager right now, I would have laughed in your face and told you that that would probably never happen. Then again, if you told me at the age of 15 that I was going to go into sciences, I would have thought you to be insane, but look at me now. So I guess things do change, and sometimes in a good an unexpected way. I'm a lot more confident now that I was in high school, I'm not as afraid of voicing my opinions (well depending on who I'm talking to). I also don't feel as uncomfortable leading a group of people as I did before. As someone once put it, "[I've] become a boss," and somehow I never noticed. But I'm glad I have this confidence now because I no longer look like the confused "new guy in town" all the time. I don't doubt all my decisions all the time (although it still happens a lot) and I start doing things that I know how to do without having to double check all the time first like I used to.
The one negative thing about my changes in the past few years is that I'm a lot less patient now. I used to be able to tolerate people's BS a lot better than I can now. I snap pretty easily and I also get emotional pretty easily. Maybe it's accumulated stress or it's just my learning how to not be a push over. I guess in someway it's good that I'm not going to let people push me around anymore, but I also have trouble communicating my feelings when I snap, so the situation actually never really gets any better... But I'm trying to work on it. According to ST, I'm a patient person... At least I think that's what she thinks? (please correct me if I'm wrong).
What I'm the most happy about is that my close group of friends (the real close group of friends) is always there to support me. They all support me if different ways, but I know that they are always there for me. If something is wrong they are willing to meet up with me or call me, or even text till ridiculous hours of the night. If they know something is wrong and I call, they'll call me back as soon as they can and they won't hang up until I feel better. And I know that I would do the same for them, because we are all close. The only thing that makes me sad is that my close group of friends is divided into a few groups. I have my close friends from high school: W, O, BB. Then I have my close friends from CEGEP: ST, and LN. And from work I have CL and, a new mention, CT from work. They are my current little support group. And sadly even in this little group I have the ones that I trust more than others :P I wonder if that's normal or I'm just being weird :P
But honestly, I'm happy that I got to think about how much I've changed in the past few years, it gives me a little more confidence in myself now, even just thinking back of the last few years and seeing that I made great new friends and seeing that I was able to lead a group of people and no one got hurt in the process (yet :P). Even looking back at comments I've received, I see now (since I'm no longer in the situation) that a lot of them weren't just people being polite. The compliments came from the heart.
-J
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Monday, May 6, 2013
Stress Stress and more Stress
Hey guys,
So yes summer has started and I have already hit my first impasse. I have to write an exam at the end of the summer to get into one of the classes I'm taking in a future semester, so now I have to turn into a study monster (the transformation is taking some time... A LOT of time). I'm hoping to get started tomorrow so I know I have enough time to know most of the stuff and be as prepared as possible. This is not the main source of my stress, yet... but it will be. I'll let that hit me when it does.
My main source of stress is work. Like I pointed out before, I am stressed about how people will take me as a manager this year. I mean last year was great in terms of me being and operations manager but being manager, it feels like it takes stress levels to whole new level... And I'm scared of messing up or of being the manager that everyone hates. I've met up with most of the new recruits and a lot of them seem really nice, but of course, I have to see how they work before I can make a final verdict. BD, co-manager and has an hate/love relationship with me, has been very nice the past few days, which gets me very suspicious for some reason, and maybe I shouldn't be suspicious, but I am. She would Facebook message me and get her bf to text me on her behalf (she currently doesn't have a phone) and she would be really nice when we see each other. It's a ice change of pace from my usual walk on eggshells, but I can't help but be suspicious anyways. L also seems to be super nice and we're getting along well even though he was being a sour grape a little while back. But what is stressing me is my boss. I just feel like he might be expecting a little too much out of me. I mean , I have no clue what I'm doing. I've been working the past two days along with BD, L and GW and we've been briefing the new people in on the job and touring them to our different locations and my boss would suddenly be like "J, you do it" and he won't stop insisting till I do whatever it is he asked. Things went by a lot easier today, maybe cause it was a repeat of the previous day, but not as bumpy a ride :P I just feel like it's going to be a lot o pressure on me this year (most of the pressure I'll probably be putting on myself), but I just feel like it will be.
In the past two days, I've met with over 40 new employees, gotten sunburned like it's the middle of July, gotten along with a lot of the new employees and already had my boss chauffeur me around, I wouldn't say it's a bad of good start, but it is definitely a start of the season.
My relationship with my boss is also stressing me out a little. Because even thought I know I've worked hard to get to where I am, the things people say about being the "favorite" is getting to me a little. I'm starting to think that maybe I did just get lucky and ended up having a good relationship with my boss. I mean he drives me home after shifts, and he's driven me into work once of twice (mostly cause he lives less than ten minutes to me by car), I get sent emoticons when I text him (kinda strange), I know he takes my opinions seriously, I've gone to a bar with his wife, and I answered that darn mans' phone today for Pete's sake! Although it was because he was in the middle of a presentation and I knew the person on the other end. But still, what if all of this is the only reason I am where I am? What if I'm a bosses pet? I mean he even asked me to go into work this week and I thought it was a group text asking a bunch of employees, but from the way he answered I sound like the only one he asked. So yes it's a strange relationship, but is that the only thing that's gotten me where I am, or am I as hard working as I hope I am?
I'm probably talking nonsense, but it's just a lot of stress... Plus at the moment I'm making work plans, study pans, school related plans and social plans all at the same time for the upcoming 7 days, and it is hard to juggle all of this at once... Why am I the planner in my group of friends again?
-J
So yes summer has started and I have already hit my first impasse. I have to write an exam at the end of the summer to get into one of the classes I'm taking in a future semester, so now I have to turn into a study monster (the transformation is taking some time... A LOT of time). I'm hoping to get started tomorrow so I know I have enough time to know most of the stuff and be as prepared as possible. This is not the main source of my stress, yet... but it will be. I'll let that hit me when it does.
My main source of stress is work. Like I pointed out before, I am stressed about how people will take me as a manager this year. I mean last year was great in terms of me being and operations manager but being manager, it feels like it takes stress levels to whole new level... And I'm scared of messing up or of being the manager that everyone hates. I've met up with most of the new recruits and a lot of them seem really nice, but of course, I have to see how they work before I can make a final verdict. BD, co-manager and has an hate/love relationship with me, has been very nice the past few days, which gets me very suspicious for some reason, and maybe I shouldn't be suspicious, but I am. She would Facebook message me and get her bf to text me on her behalf (she currently doesn't have a phone) and she would be really nice when we see each other. It's a ice change of pace from my usual walk on eggshells, but I can't help but be suspicious anyways. L also seems to be super nice and we're getting along well even though he was being a sour grape a little while back. But what is stressing me is my boss. I just feel like he might be expecting a little too much out of me. I mean , I have no clue what I'm doing. I've been working the past two days along with BD, L and GW and we've been briefing the new people in on the job and touring them to our different locations and my boss would suddenly be like "J, you do it" and he won't stop insisting till I do whatever it is he asked. Things went by a lot easier today, maybe cause it was a repeat of the previous day, but not as bumpy a ride :P I just feel like it's going to be a lot o pressure on me this year (most of the pressure I'll probably be putting on myself), but I just feel like it will be.
In the past two days, I've met with over 40 new employees, gotten sunburned like it's the middle of July, gotten along with a lot of the new employees and already had my boss chauffeur me around, I wouldn't say it's a bad of good start, but it is definitely a start of the season.
My relationship with my boss is also stressing me out a little. Because even thought I know I've worked hard to get to where I am, the things people say about being the "favorite" is getting to me a little. I'm starting to think that maybe I did just get lucky and ended up having a good relationship with my boss. I mean he drives me home after shifts, and he's driven me into work once of twice (mostly cause he lives less than ten minutes to me by car), I get sent emoticons when I text him (kinda strange), I know he takes my opinions seriously, I've gone to a bar with his wife, and I answered that darn mans' phone today for Pete's sake! Although it was because he was in the middle of a presentation and I knew the person on the other end. But still, what if all of this is the only reason I am where I am? What if I'm a bosses pet? I mean he even asked me to go into work this week and I thought it was a group text asking a bunch of employees, but from the way he answered I sound like the only one he asked. So yes it's a strange relationship, but is that the only thing that's gotten me where I am, or am I as hard working as I hope I am?
I'm probably talking nonsense, but it's just a lot of stress... Plus at the moment I'm making work plans, study pans, school related plans and social plans all at the same time for the upcoming 7 days, and it is hard to juggle all of this at once... Why am I the planner in my group of friends again?
-J
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