Hey guys!
So summer is coming to an end, I counted the days in my last post, but if you are counting down for me (cause I'm not :P) Add one more day to that countdown, because I don't have school on the Provincial election day! The first day of school has been moved back. Aside from that exciting news, I finished book 14, working on 15, although I've taken a few days break from books (I have no idea why). But I'm getting through my list :)
I've also been trying to let people go lately, like old friends that make me upset when I think about them. I mean we always think about people that used to be in our lives, but it doesn't always hurt to think about them. I need to get to that point with some people. I've gotten there with BF, but it's harder with other people, not don't get me wrong, I have other people in that category too, but the one person I have to stop thinking about and allowing to ruin my day is H. I keep telling myself and you guys sometimes, that I'm over him, but the thing is I'm not. And the other night when I was talking to O I was sure that there was no way I was over H. Now I know sometimes I make it sound like we dates, but we never did, we were just two super close friends. But talking to O kind of brought back all the things I was trying to ignore, whether on purpose or not, I've been trying to tell myself that I never liked him, that it was just a brotherly love of some sort, but the thing is, it wasn't I liked him. And the thing that makes it worse is that I liked him like I liked U, it's hard to explain, other than that U was the first guy I ever liked, and like people say, your first love is the deepest. But I still can't think of H without it making me feel like shit. I stopped carrying the presents he gave me around, which I thought would help, but instead I find myself unconsciously looking for them during the day. It's just hard, and the thing is I thought the summer would help me get over it, and that maybe I'll find someone to like at work... but the thing is... I can't get over him. He's been to present in my life for the past year and too involved in my life. And everyone knows that we were super close and that we always talked, so they keep asking how he is... and that really doesn't help. It's to the point where I don't know if I can't wait to see him at school or I never ever wanna see him again. And it doesn't help that he's MIA all summer either. It makes me feel like he just doesn't care enough to see how I (or anyone else for that matter) is doing.
Plus it's not like there aren't nay guys that peek my interest, you guys know that for a fact, I've already talked about L and F and T (who is no longer around). There's another kinda cute guy at work, but I don't like him, he's nice an all, but not a person I would have a crush on. Then there is one other guy that I haven't talked about yet, I'll call him WL, he's really nice, and we always tease each other at work, and he always tries to one up me or make me pissed (in a good way). Like if I want him to kill a spider, he would purposely try to let it live to annoy me. He's also always smiling around me (he's kinda shy, which is kinda cute), and he would always argue with me about things until I lose the argument. And every time I beat him he would bring up how he wins more often. He's a really nice guy, and smart (from what I know anyways). So why can't I be into him (a little more than I am) instead of thinking about H all the time? My life would be so much easier!
And one last note I hate people who cannot stop bragging about their accomplishments, I have a coworker who started going out with the guy I liked last year, and she won't stop bringing it up! She's always like "Remember when you liked him", "You think he's cute don't you?", or she would be telling other workers "Ohh, did you know she liked him last year?". It's like OMG get over it, I no longer have a crush on your boyfriend! It's not that big of an accomplishment, especially since we never actually fought over the guy, if you want to make others not like me, just tell them I'm a bitch -.-
Anyways, enough venting for one night. Until next time, remember to smile at yourself in the mirror!
-J
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