You know those rainy days when you don't want to do anything, you just want to lie around and sleep all day and worry about tomorrow... well tomorrow? And then you find yourself waking up the next day regretting not doing anything the previous day? Well yes, today is one of those days.
I have two more midterms to go through and they are the trickier ones, but I'm just not motivated to study, but I know I have to since I work tomorrow, and I'll be tired on Sunday. But I really just can't bring myself to sit down and study. I feel restless, but tired, hungry all the time, and then I regret eating all the things that I ate. I keep trying to find distractions, but even the distractions start to annoy me. And then I just end up doing nothing, and then getting mad at myself for doing nothing. It's just super complicated in my head right now, it's like I want to do something, but I don't at the same time. And I know I said it was out of the funk, but maybe I'm not cleared yet.
It may also have to do with the fact that it is midterm season, and the marks I have been getting back aren't as good as I expected. Although they are still very good marks, I wanted them to be better, I kind of expected myself to work on school a lot harder than I have been. I only have myself to blame though, cause I could always focus more or work harder. I just can't bring myself to focus on school.
And sometimes I want to just sot down with someone and talk about this, but honestly, everyone's busy with their own stuff, and they're stressing out too. I'm not the only one worried about marks and a personal life and school and work. A lot of other people are too. I just have to find a good stress reliever mechanism... that doesn't involve any illegal things :P
So ya, there's school, there's work... I'm excited to work, but I'm also getting really tired of it. The hours are long, the shifts are a little too strenuous. We are underpaid... but I keep telling myself that I only have two more weeks, then I'm done for the season, and next season is well next season. I'll worry about that when it comes... but I still find myself thinking about next season, and I keep trying to make a decision, when in reality, I have other things to worry about.
I've also been sick the past few days, fevers, soar throat, congested nose, runny nose... it's just super inconvenient when you have to worry about midterms and getting better... Also, when you're the kid who keeps blowing your nose and sneezing in class, you kind of get annoyed at yourself.
I know that I should talk to my friends or family about my stress and that will help me, but I just don't feel comfortable talking about this to my family and worrying them in a sense, like I used to talk to my mom, but I could kind of tell that she didn't understand why I was always so stressed. And my friends are all just so happy right now, I don't want to burden them with stuff. Like Y just started a new relationship, and I would rather see her being happy then her worrying about me. ST seems to be really happy with someone the people that she's met in her program. W is really busy studying and volunteering and she's busy trying to figure out what she wants to do after grad school.
And H... I don't know what happened to him, but I feel like we aren't even friends anymore. I feel like he's avoiding me, or he may be to stressed, I just keep giving him the benefit of the doubt, but I feel like we're just drifting apart and that we will never be as good of friends as we were last semester. And what bothers me is that I care that he may or may not be avoiding me. It pisses me off, more than I would like to admit. I keep thinking I may have done something to make him treat me this way, but I sort of have a feeling I haven't done anything. I don't know it's just do you really go from showing that you really care about someone to ignoring them the next week? I just want to give up on him, but something inside me won't let me. I know I'm over him, but I just don't want to lose our friendship...
-J
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Friday, October 19, 2012
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Best Friends
You know you are surrounded by very good friends when they are all willing to drop what they're doing and help you in your time of need.
I've been down in a funk lately and work really hasn't helped especially with Midterms coming up. I worked 23 hours this weekend (not in 3 days in 2!). I was super tired from Saturdays shift and I knew my boss wasn't going to let me go home early on Sunday cause I was the only Operations Manager in, so I had to suck it up and do my 12 hour shift. But as it turns out, by the end of the night, I was the only person left to close all the stores... cause he took the manager with him for a catering job. I was already pissed all day, I was with a girl I didn't like, I was having mood swings all day, and then to close the stores, I had to stay an extra hour and almost a half! I was so pissed cause I worked 13 hour and only got a freaking 20 minute break! 1) that is not legal 2) My boss was a fricking idiot (Yes I told him to his face in a not so nice way) and 3) it's not even moral on his part to make me work this much. At least he had the decency to drive me home. i left a huge mess in one of the stores, but I know he wouldn't say a word to me cause I was so pissed at him. i finished after the buses for Laronde ended and after the last metro. I even swore at a customer, that never EVER happens. It was a horrible day to say the least.
But eve since Thursday I've been feeling stressed and depressed and this really just pushed me of the edge. I just completely broke down today, on the bus! ON THE BUS? Like who does that? Well obviously me. So I got off 8 stops early and called H and we talked until I got home.
I was also on the phone with ST for 2 hours last night talking stuff over.
I'm just glad I have all my close circle of friends supporting me. And it may be selfish of me to say, it's nice to know that they all care about me so much. They put aside what they were doing, studying, preparing for labs, getting ready, anything just to talk to me over the past few days. it truly is amazing.
I know half of them don't read this blog, but thank you to H, ST, W, Y, and AB for being there for me when I needed them, cause honestly without them, I wouldn't know what to do right now. They support me and are willing to be there for me all the time. And sometimes I feel bad using up all their time when they have other things to do. I love these friends to death.
And as I was writing this, an earthquake hit Montreal. It's like the Earth is moved by my friends too :P
I just hope I can be there for my friends when they need me, just liek how they are always there for me when I need them.
-J
I've been down in a funk lately and work really hasn't helped especially with Midterms coming up. I worked 23 hours this weekend (not in 3 days in 2!). I was super tired from Saturdays shift and I knew my boss wasn't going to let me go home early on Sunday cause I was the only Operations Manager in, so I had to suck it up and do my 12 hour shift. But as it turns out, by the end of the night, I was the only person left to close all the stores... cause he took the manager with him for a catering job. I was already pissed all day, I was with a girl I didn't like, I was having mood swings all day, and then to close the stores, I had to stay an extra hour and almost a half! I was so pissed cause I worked 13 hour and only got a freaking 20 minute break! 1) that is not legal 2) My boss was a fricking idiot (Yes I told him to his face in a not so nice way) and 3) it's not even moral on his part to make me work this much. At least he had the decency to drive me home. i left a huge mess in one of the stores, but I know he wouldn't say a word to me cause I was so pissed at him. i finished after the buses for Laronde ended and after the last metro. I even swore at a customer, that never EVER happens. It was a horrible day to say the least.
But eve since Thursday I've been feeling stressed and depressed and this really just pushed me of the edge. I just completely broke down today, on the bus! ON THE BUS? Like who does that? Well obviously me. So I got off 8 stops early and called H and we talked until I got home.
I was also on the phone with ST for 2 hours last night talking stuff over.
I'm just glad I have all my close circle of friends supporting me. And it may be selfish of me to say, it's nice to know that they all care about me so much. They put aside what they were doing, studying, preparing for labs, getting ready, anything just to talk to me over the past few days. it truly is amazing.
I know half of them don't read this blog, but thank you to H, ST, W, Y, and AB for being there for me when I needed them, cause honestly without them, I wouldn't know what to do right now. They support me and are willing to be there for me all the time. And sometimes I feel bad using up all their time when they have other things to do. I love these friends to death.
And as I was writing this, an earthquake hit Montreal. It's like the Earth is moved by my friends too :P
I just hope I can be there for my friends when they need me, just liek how they are always there for me when I need them.
-J
Friday, May 11, 2012
Graduation
Hey Guys,
So my official last day of CEGEP was yesterday. For those of you who live in Quebec, you know what CEGEP is. For those who don't, CEGEP is something like College, in a way, it's not like College in a way that it means you choose that over University, but it's a transition between High School and University. Yesterday was my last day of classes. And all there is left is 3 exams, and I will hopefully graduate!
As exciting as graduation may seem, I'm also sad about it. Yes, I'm going to go all mushy on you guys. I'm going to say it, I'll miss all my friends. This is, in a sense, where we will truly part ways... I've stayed close to a few of my High School friends after starting CEGEP. During High School we said we would miss each other,but we ended up staying pretty close anyways, these High School friends are BB, O, and W. We always hung out once in a while and talked on the phone or on Skype. But it helped that we were all in the same program, we would have the same classes, or we would study together for others, but now we are all going into different programs, at different schools too. I know that no matter how much we're going to stay in touch, we might not...
Then there are the equally awesome friends I made in CEGEP. First off there is Y which I never introduced till now. So welcome Y!! I met her a little over a year ago now, she's amazing :) I love spending time with her, and she is nicknamed to be my twin by H (whoa, he hasn't been in a post for a while :P). But she's there when I need someone to talk to, and she is great company because she's always making me laugh :P
Then there is of course, my love (don't take this seriously, it is an inside joke... or is it :P) ST, because she is so wonderfully awesomely awesome and has been there for me all semester, and we only became friends this semester. She is a wonderful person to be with, she never judges me, even in my weirdest most randomness moments, she doesn't judge me! Now that is a true friend :) She is also super supportive and just a super duper sweet person all around. I will still see her, maybe sometimes against my will. But I'll miss seeing her EVERY SINGLE DAY. But I can tell you that there is no way I'm letting go just yet.
Then there is of course H, who is actually going into the same program I am, but I'll still miss seeing him so often around school. and perhaps even our Skype convos. Hopefully, we'll stay friends throughout uni.
And also AK, who is stuck to me like glue :) I'll miss her so much! She just like ST and I have become very close in the last semester and I'll miss seeing her so very often, and I'll even miss the 8AM FRT shifts I had with her, which she was always late to. :P
And silly SB, who kept me entertained every time I talked to him or saw him. I will however now miss getting purell to the face :P
But seriously, I'm going to miss everyone. I've made such amazing new friends in the past 2 years (the friends mentioned above and not the only friends I've made, but they are the close ones I've made) it's just amazing how 2 years can fly by so quickly, without feeling like it's been 2 whole years of suffering and new experiences from school. The next thing I know, I'll be (hopefully) graduating from uni and then off to do my graduate studies...
Life is coming at us quickly, and sometimes like W says, we just need a pause button and relax, and still feel like a kid. Which by the way is something that we should all do, because there is nothing EVER wrong with feeling like a kid. In fact it's healthier to be young on the inside :)
So until next time (after exams), don't forget to smile at yourself, let the kid inside you out once in a while and most of all laugh whenever you get the chance.
-J
So my official last day of CEGEP was yesterday. For those of you who live in Quebec, you know what CEGEP is. For those who don't, CEGEP is something like College, in a way, it's not like College in a way that it means you choose that over University, but it's a transition between High School and University. Yesterday was my last day of classes. And all there is left is 3 exams, and I will hopefully graduate!
As exciting as graduation may seem, I'm also sad about it. Yes, I'm going to go all mushy on you guys. I'm going to say it, I'll miss all my friends. This is, in a sense, where we will truly part ways... I've stayed close to a few of my High School friends after starting CEGEP. During High School we said we would miss each other,but we ended up staying pretty close anyways, these High School friends are BB, O, and W. We always hung out once in a while and talked on the phone or on Skype. But it helped that we were all in the same program, we would have the same classes, or we would study together for others, but now we are all going into different programs, at different schools too. I know that no matter how much we're going to stay in touch, we might not...
Then there are the equally awesome friends I made in CEGEP. First off there is Y which I never introduced till now. So welcome Y!! I met her a little over a year ago now, she's amazing :) I love spending time with her, and she is nicknamed to be my twin by H (whoa, he hasn't been in a post for a while :P). But she's there when I need someone to talk to, and she is great company because she's always making me laugh :P
Then there is of course, my love (don't take this seriously, it is an inside joke... or is it :P) ST, because she is so wonderfully awesomely awesome and has been there for me all semester, and we only became friends this semester. She is a wonderful person to be with, she never judges me, even in my weirdest most randomness moments, she doesn't judge me! Now that is a true friend :) She is also super supportive and just a super duper sweet person all around. I will still see her, maybe sometimes against my will. But I'll miss seeing her EVERY SINGLE DAY. But I can tell you that there is no way I'm letting go just yet.
Then there is of course H, who is actually going into the same program I am, but I'll still miss seeing him so often around school. and perhaps even our Skype convos. Hopefully, we'll stay friends throughout uni.
And also AK, who is stuck to me like glue :) I'll miss her so much! She just like ST and I have become very close in the last semester and I'll miss seeing her so very often, and I'll even miss the 8AM FRT shifts I had with her, which she was always late to. :P
And silly SB, who kept me entertained every time I talked to him or saw him. I will however now miss getting purell to the face :P
But seriously, I'm going to miss everyone. I've made such amazing new friends in the past 2 years (the friends mentioned above and not the only friends I've made, but they are the close ones I've made) it's just amazing how 2 years can fly by so quickly, without feeling like it's been 2 whole years of suffering and new experiences from school. The next thing I know, I'll be (hopefully) graduating from uni and then off to do my graduate studies...
Life is coming at us quickly, and sometimes like W says, we just need a pause button and relax, and still feel like a kid. Which by the way is something that we should all do, because there is nothing EVER wrong with feeling like a kid. In fact it's healthier to be young on the inside :)
So until next time (after exams), don't forget to smile at yourself, let the kid inside you out once in a while and most of all laugh whenever you get the chance.
-J
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