Change for the Better (I Hope)

Hey guys!

So I've been looking back at the past 3-4 years, and I've come to realize how much I've grown. I know I have a lot more growing to do, considering that I'm just 20, but I've changed a lot more than I thought I did in the past few years. Not only did my face look like I lost some baby fat, I also look like I've slimmed down a little. Now I know there is a lot more fat to burn, I know I don't look as bloated as I used to be. I was looking at my old employee passes and I noticed that I seemed to have lost weight every year, always a good sign, although cameras are known to play tricks (but the camera usually adds 10 lbs, so maybe I am loosing weight? :P) All kidding aside, I also feel a lot better about my body image now than I did back then. I can still work on that, admittedly A LOT, but it's better than it used to. My clothes are no longer just tshirts and jeans, although they are still my comfy outfit choice. I've also learned what type of clothes look better on by body type compared to others. So in the past few years my physical image has changed a lot.

I've also grown a lot on the inside as well. I've gained a lot more confidence than I give myself. I mean you tell me right out of High School that I would be a manager right now, I would have laughed in your face and told you that that would probably never happen. Then again, if you told me at the age of 15 that I was going to go into sciences, I would have thought you to be insane, but look at me now. So I guess things do change, and sometimes in a good an unexpected way. I'm a lot more confident now that I was in high school, I'm not as afraid of voicing my opinions (well depending on who I'm talking to). I also don't feel as uncomfortable leading a group of people as I did before. As someone once put it, "[I've] become a boss," and somehow I never noticed. But I'm glad I have this confidence now because I no longer look like the confused "new guy in town" all the time. I don't doubt all my decisions all the time (although it still happens a lot) and I start doing things that I know how to do without having to double check all the time first like I used to.

The one negative thing about my changes in the past few years is that I'm a lot less patient now. I used to be able to tolerate people's BS a lot better than I can now. I snap pretty easily and I also get emotional pretty easily. Maybe it's accumulated stress or it's just my learning how to not be a push over. I guess in someway it's good that I'm not going to let people push me around anymore, but I also have trouble communicating my feelings when I snap, so the situation actually never really gets any better... But I'm trying to work on it. According to ST, I'm a patient person... At least I think that's what she thinks? (please correct me if I'm wrong).

What I'm the most happy about is that my close group of friends (the real close group of friends) is always there to support me. They all support me if different ways, but I know that they are always there for me. If something is wrong they are willing to meet up with me or call me, or even text till ridiculous hours of the night. If they know something is wrong and I call, they'll call me back as soon as they can and they won't hang up until I feel better. And I know that I would do the same for them, because we are all close. The only thing that makes me sad is that my close group of friends is divided into a few groups. I have my close friends from high school: W, O, BB. Then I have my close friends from CEGEP: ST, and LN. And from work I have CL and, a new mention, CT from work. They are my current little support group. And sadly even in this little group I have the ones that I trust more than others :P I wonder if that's normal or I'm just being weird :P

But honestly, I'm happy that I got to think about how much I've changed in the past few years, it gives me a little more confidence in myself now, even just thinking back of the last few years and seeing that I made great new friends and seeing that I was able to lead a group of people and no one got hurt in the process (yet :P). Even looking back at comments I've received, I see now (since I'm no longer in the situation) that a lot of them weren't just people being polite. The compliments came from the heart.

-J

New Years Resolutions + Staff Get Together

Hey guys!

New years is fast approaching, and with that comes new years resolutions... that never seem to be kept for more than a few weeks :P I'm hoping this year will be different. This year i have a few new years resolutions and I'm hoping I'll keep at least one of them.

So here are my new years resolutions:

1. Get into shape: yes, this is partially me wanting to loose weight, but I also want to climb McGill's hill everyday without dying trying to get between classes. I with this resolution, I want to go to to gym twice a week, hopefully I'll be able to keep that schedule during midterms and finals too, but even if I can't I would want to go at least once a week. Part of this resolution was also to join a dance of a zumba class, and ST made me commit to that (at least for 5 classes) cause that is what she got me for Christmas! I am so excited cause hopefully, this will make me really want to commit to it for more than a few classes. We'll see how that works out for me.
2. Do better in my classes: I didn't have the best study habit in CEGEP, and I kind of kept that going for my first semester in Uni, but I'm hoping I can kick that habit and get myself to focus in my classes and come home and take extra notes and listen to lecture recordings, cause I have to admit,. no matter how much I can't focus on them when I'm listening to them at home, they help in the long run! I also want to get studying done before midterms and finals hit, cause that would be a load off my back and might allow me to get some gym time as well.
3. Get a lab job:  Now this one is because I am an undecided science student that is not looking at medical school in her future. I'm not looking into med school for a lot of personal reasons, one of them being that not being able to help some patients no matter how much I want to will kill me every time because I feel guilty really easily. So my only other option (not my only, but a big option) is a lab job. I would like to know what it's like to work in a lab to see if that is the life I would like to set myself up for. I don't care if this is a paid internship or even just a volunteer opportunity, I think it would be really cool to see what my future can hold for me. And this is also a resolution I want to keep for the next 2 years, or at least till before I get my undergraduate degree.
4. Be more confident: I'm a pessimistic person and I would like to try to change that, even my a little. I know I've said I've been better at it, but it's still hard. And I understand that it's not always easy, but when my friends say something like "you look good today," I would like to believe that it's true. And maybe this will be easier when I get into shape, and maybe it won't make a difference. But I will try my best regardless.
5. Be more careful with my money: I'll admit I'm already very good with my money, I'm not going to spend every penny I have once I get it, and I have money set aside in a savings account and I also have money that is not in the savings, but that I refuse to touch no matter how much I want to spend the money. And I admit, I made quite a bit of money this summer (mostly cause I worked my ass off and my boss milked every last hour he could get out of me), but I still somehow end up spending most of it... I have about 1/3 of it left. I guess granted that I haven't been working for 2 months that is very impressive, but I don't plan on getting a job until next summer, so I have to start being a little more money smart and start only getting what I really need, or items that I know I will use all the time. I will have to start asking myself "How often am I going to use/wear this?" and obviously, like I always do, look for good deals.
6. Keep my close friends: This one I find may be the most important and maybe the hardest to keep for the year. Don't get me wrong, I want to make new friends as well cause there us nothing wrong with making your circle bigger, but I'm hoping that by this time next year I'll still be friends with ST, W, BB and Y (although we've been kind of getting distant lately). It will be hard cause I won't have classes with any of them next semester and out schedules aren't exactly hang out friendly (along with the insane work load our programs give us). But I hope that by this time next year we are all still as close as we are not (give or take a little on the closer or the not as close side). But I really wouldn't want to lose them anytime soon. They are the ones that keep me grounded and make sure I have a good time and make sure I don't over stress myself.

I think that's about it for my new years resolutions this year. Hopefully I will be able to keep at least one of them, well I'm hoping all, but we all know how long new years resolutions last :P

And I'm just going to add this here cause not much happened at the staff get together. We needed up being five people going out for a sushi supper. It was T, WL, LT, CL and myself. I thought it was going to be awkward since both T and WL don't talk much, but boy was I wrong, they talked and laugh the most I have ever seen them do either. I think LT might have felt the most awkward at the sinner, but he was always a little awkward :P But we all had a blast and we all laughed a lot and we ate so much sushi it was insane, the waiter even came back a few times to make sure that we were sure we wanted to order so much. But it was a blast and after a stressful time planning it, the supper itself definitely makes me want to plan something again. But remind me again why I am the one that plans staff parties?

P.s. The horse back riding was postponed and I couldn't make it on the new day, so no news there.

What are your resolutions?
-J

What is Beauty?

We have so many different definitions for beauty. But what we all put our beauty reputation next to are the people we see on ads and billboards. We as a society have evolved to believe that what is beautiful is a size zero waist and long flowing hair, long lashes, and an ample bosom, long legs and the hour glass figure. But is that real beauty? Or is it the fake Photoshopped, starved model we see? There is more to beauty than what we see on the outside, we are all beautiful in different ways.

Yes, a lot of our outside counts for first impressions and of course we all try to look our best to impress the people we like. But think about it, the people who really matter to you, do they care if you have makeup on or not? Do they care if you're wearing sweatpants or a pair or designer jeans? For those of you who thought about your closest friends, then no, they don't care what you look like cause they'll love you no matter what you look like.

We have this perception on beauty being that we have to look like a model on a billboard to be beautiful, but do we? That model is Photoshopped, and it is a standard of beauty that a lot of us probably won't ever be able to achieve. I know that was harsh, but think about it, a lot of what we see on billboards is photoshop, insane dieting, and most importantly there is a lot of genetics involved. The people who are born super thin into the ideal size that we hold up to standard is genetics, and even then, the person is touched up before being put up on the ad. All of us are made up of different genes, yes we all have 23 pairs of chromosomes and yes we are all the same species, but does it matter? Does that make us all the same? No it doesn't we are all unique in our own ways and yes, that makes us all genetic mutants (without the super powers) but we are all special and we should all love ourselves the way we look. And you know what? We can't all look like the current It Girl, but we are all unique in our own ways and that is what makes us beautiful. And honesty if someone really loves you, they will love you for what's on the inside and out. Cause what's on the outside is just a shell for the amazing person we have on the inside.

And even if someone is insanely pretty on the outside, they can be a total bitch on the inside. You know those girls who walk around in  designer clothes and pretend to like everyone? Ya, they aren't so perfect, they are just like me and you, they have flaws too. We are all different inside and out, you can't judge a person based on their outside and not their personality. Now, I have to admit, I've judged people based on first impressions, and that is not always fair of me. And sometimes I am right, but sometimes I am totally wrong. And that has happened to many times with some people that I feel bad thinking that way about them at the beginning. But what I wanted to say with this post is that we should give everyone a chance, just because they aren't a ten on your scale doesn't mean that they don't have the ability to really surprise you.


Remember that you are all beautiful ♥

And yes, for those of you wondering, I am not pretty. I'm not one of those people who walk around in designer things and have makeup on all the time. But I am also a hypocrite cause even though I am writing this post telling you all to think of yourselves as beautiful, I don't find myself pretty and I have self esteem problems and wish I looked more like girls on the billboards. But I'm working on it, and I have good and bad days, but I try. And I think everyone of you should try to see yourselves as beautiful too.

-J

So according to...

So according to some of the people at work I've matured a lot in the past year, and I wanted to know in what way I've become more mature. So I decided to ask this guy, MD. Well not so much ask as say: "So G (the guy who commented on this originally) said 'In the nicest way possible, you've matured a lot over the past year.'" MD responded "to be honest, you have," he went on to say other things along with saying that I've become more confident in myself. He said it's not that I wasn't confident last year, but he said that last year, I gave more of a follower vibe whereas this year I'm a leader. In his words "You've become a boss." He says he doesn't know if it's just because I've changed cause of school, or because of my promotion, but I've really gained a lot of confidence in myself and I look like I know what I'm doing. I'm not longer the "new" person around. And yes, we joked about how a promotion could change a person over night, like "BAM! I got a promotion, I must be more confident!" Work is not all serious around here.

But it's really nice to hear from other people that I've become more confident in myself, cause I'm not able to tell, I mean, I'm with myself all the time, so I'm not able to see the transitions that I go through day to day, and my close friends don't notice either, because they spend a lot of time with me. MD and G can tell because we haven't seen each other in a year, so they can see in a sense, the "old" me and the "new" me. And it's nice to know that these two people whose opinion I trust think that I've become a better version of myself.

Hope I can keep working on my self confidence over the next year :)
-J