Dreaming Of You

So lately I've been having dreams about H. Nothing has happened in real life between us yet, although I feel like we have gotten closer o one another recently. We've been texting each other everyday, from morning till night. He's really busy though, but he still makes time to talk to me. For the past few nights, I've been dreaming of him, of us being together and going out. Like all the other couples, we're going on dates and holding hands. It's really cute, and it makes me realize how much I like him. I feel safe and confident around him. I'm never afraid of him judging me, or thinking I'm stupid. I can be myself around him, and he can be himself around me too. I really like that.

But I also realized that I think about him a lot more than I have ever thought of any of my previous crushes. I don't think I was this conscious of my thoughts of my first love. And that is really saying something because I liked him for 5 years. But I constantly think about H, could be because of something he's going through, and I'm worried about him. But does that explain why every time my phone rings, I wish it were him? I think it's safe to say that what I feel fro him is more than a crush. And what's killing me most of all is I'm not sure how he feels about me. I wish I was one of those girls who could read guys, know what he felt about me and if he were interested or not, but I'm not. I have no experience with guys. So I sit here and wonder if while I'm thinking of him, he's thinking about me. I really want to tell him how I feel about him, but I'm almost too certain of the answer, maybe because I'm negative, or maybe it's my gut instinct, but I just have a feeling that the answer is going to be that he doesn't feel the same way about me. Although I do catch him looking at me when he thinks I don't notice, and we always share smiles with one another, and compliment each other, I just have a feeling that in the end it won't work out, maybe because I'm afraid to loose him. But I think that one day, I will tell him how I feel, that day may come too late, but I want him to know how special he is to me, even if it isn't reciprocal.

-J

Coincidence?

So this morning, I had a dream about SB and H. And I am fully aware that I might be blowing things out of proportion, but what else is a girl to do between her studying for classes, homework and thinking about boys? That's right, I go crazy overboard thinking about the boys I like.

So in this dream, I was out with a bunch of friends, that SB and H were also part of. We were going to Fête des Neiges, which is currently underway in Montreal. We were walking around from igloo to igloo, and we were all fooling around, taking pictures. Then suddenly as dreams always are, we ended up in a convenience store, where everyone was buying things. I ended up with SB, and we were walking around with our arms linked. We ended up in my car, our arms still linked, my head resting on his shoulder, and as I was about to remove my head from his shoulder, he pulled me back to him. He was so warm and comforting. Then, we noticed H leaving us in another car (Coincidence that he would just leave? Maybe not, but it's not like him in real life, but then again it is just a dream). But after H, left and everyone else joined us in the car. SB and I were sitting next to eat other and he ended up holding my hand! :) You guys might be thinking I'm freaking out over nothing, but the thing is I though I was loosing interest in SB, but then I have a dream about him, and it's a cute one. Dreams like this always mess me up a little, because even though they are dreams, they reflect my subconsciousness . If I had a dream about him, it means that I still think about him subconsciously. Which gets me really confused and annoyed, especially when I have to focus on school.

But I still haven't gotten to the part that is the biggest coincidence for me yet. I didn't finish this dream, the dream was interrupted, by who other than H, and this is real life H, not the dream version of him. Now what I want to know is, is this just a coincidence and I'm over thinking every single little detail about out of everything possible, a dream, or is it a message that I like SB, but H is what's keeping us apart? Or is it telling me that H is the one I want to be with, so I should stop thinking about SB? I'm really lost on this one, so thoughts anyone?

-J